Second Chances
by Sharonlici0us
Summary: Story takes place right after the clff-hanger of Season 5. Things get interesting when Sawyer and Kate are alone again.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

Sawyer looked up from staring at the ocean. He saw people busy renovating their tents. It was like the last 3 years hadn't happened, like it was all a dream. But he knew it wasn't, he had Juliet's screams in his head to prove it. He still felt her hands desperately hanging on to his.

It hadn't worked, Jack's plan hadn't worked. The only thing that happened was a stupid flash and when it was over they were still at the Swan station, only it was already build. They had moved in time again. He had tried to still find Juliet, although he knew deep inside she was gone. But he had no clue where she was. Was she dead, or maybe she was stuck in the Swan station in 1977? He had gone crazy and Kate and Jack held him and calmed him down. Eventually he had giving up and went silent.

After the incident they headed back to the beach, since nobody wanted to go back to the barracks anymore. Especially not Sawyer, and luckily the others understood that. Jack came back into his leader role and Sawyer was fine with that. Let him do whatever the hell he liked to do, he didn't care about anything anymore. Everyone in his life he cared about always left him, some way or another.

He now looked up to Jack who was busy talking to Sayid. Sawyer was out of hearing reach but he figured they were discussing how they were going to rebuild the tents since Sayid was making heavy arm movements and pointing at some of the destroyed tents.

Sawyer already took care of his tent, he had found it in the same state he left it in 3 years ago. After removing some dirt from the entrance it looked like nothing had ever changed. He sat down on his airplane chair who luckily enough was still there.

He looked up again and saw Kate approaching Jack and Sayid ,mingling herself in the discussion. Probably talking about where she was going to stay. Kate's tent had been destroyed right before they had left the beach, and he remembered pretty clearly why there was a big X on her tent.

Jack was looking over the beach and pointed towards Claire's old tent who was pretty much intact. At that Kate looked at Jack as if he was crazy, yelled something at him and stalked off. That was a strange sight, Sawyer thought. He had never seen Kate mad at Jack. If he had seen it 3 years ago he would have smiled to himself. God, how he had hated seeing him and her together. Kate always following him around with those damned puppy eyes. Some things must have changed.

The conversation he had had with Jack was still clearly on his mind. Jack had told him he had her. Sawyer had immediately known who he was talking about. It hadn't surprised him, he had already expected the two of them hooked up together once they were off the island. But he was taken aback at another thing Jack had mentioned. He lost her. And it was too late to get her back.

After their talk Sawyer slapped some sense into him because he wouldn't listen to him but Juliet had stopped him and said that Jack was right. The conversation he then had with Juliet was also still clearly in his mind. She had told him that although they love each other, they weren't meant to be together. He still didn't get why she said that. Maybe it had something to do with him looking at Kate. Juliet knew how he felt about Kate and how hard it was when she left. He didn't know what he was thinking when he looked sideways at Kate when Bernard talked about all that mattered in the end. He hadn't even noticed it himself until Juliet confronted him with it. But now Juliet was gone.

He blamed Jack for all of this. If he hadn't had the urge to blow up a damned nuke, everything would be alright. Did the doc still not see that he couldn't fix EVERYTHING?

He had so many questions but he knew he wasn't going to find the answers. He tried to take his mind of things because it was killing him thinking this over and over again so he went in his tent to see if he maybe had something of his stash left.

Kate had never been so angry at Jack before. She could have just slapped him in the face. When they were talking about which tent she should live in he seriously proposed Claire's. If anyone knew how much she missed Aaron, it was Jack. Not that she had talked about it with him. It still hurts too much to talk about it. She glanced over at Claire's old tent. It was in a pretty good state and Aaron's crib was still visible beneath some branches. She took the branches of the crib and dusted the sand off the railing. Kate thought Jack understood her situation, especially when he had asked her why she made him promise never to ask about Aaron. Did he seriously thought that she could live in Claire's tent, with all those memories stuck to it?

She glanced over at Sawyer's old tent and noticed that it was in the exact same state as he left it. With him sitting in the exact same chair. It was really an unrealistic sight seeing him sitting there. As if he had been waiting for her there the whole time. But she knew that wasn't true. He hadn't been waiting for her. Somehow in the back of her mind she always thought that he would wait for her. But when she came back she had found out that he was living together with Juliet. He had moved on.

The only thing different about him was his face. He looked so much older, she noticed. Not the carefree smart-ass he once was. And she missed that in him. He had a pained expression on his face which she remembered seeing once when she had read his letter for him.

He was clearly thinking deep of something and she knew what it had to be. She noticed he was smoking a cigarette. She smiled a little to herself, that must mean his stash was still complete. She always thought that he must have had at least one pack horded up somewhere.

Sawyer looked up from the sand when he felt a shadow coming over him. It was Kate.

"It surprises me your tent is the only one that is still intact. I always thought that once you leave, that boar will get his revenge." She said smiling down on him.

Oh great so were back to square one, he thought. He didn't smile back, he didn't even look up at her. But he couldn't keep his mouth shut.

"Yeah well, seems like he had a bone to pick with Snuffy over there." He said looking at the big man desperately holding onto the piles of his destroyed tent. He was a little taken aback at his ability to joke around while there wasn't anything funny right now. It was just that she did that to him whenever they were together. It was so easy to go back to their old banter. But he quickly made sure she got the hint that he wasn't in the mood for fooling around. She already understood and started out in a softer manner:

"So, I was just checking on you to see if you're alright…" She said hesitantly not really knowing how he would react.

He finally looked up at her and said:

"I'm fine. Just leave me alone." He said flatly.

Kate looked down at the ground, tugging her hair behind her ear, silenced by his cold demeanor. She opened her mouth to say something but then walked away. He followed her with his eyes until she reached Jack and stormed by him. Jack called out to her and got a hold of her arm but she jerked her arm away from his grip.

Sawyer felt a little guilty for dismissing her like that. But what was he supposed to say? He wanted to stay away from her as much as possible because he wasn't stupid. He wasn't going to fall for that again.

Right before they came back he had told Horace that he was over her and that he didn't even remembered her face. He spent 3 years with another woman that he really loved and felt what it was like to be loved in return. Then why was it that he was still drawn to her. He had done a lot of thinking about their relationship the past 3 years , if you can even call it a relationship. It wasn't serious, Kate kept running back and forth between him and Jack, Kate never told him she loved him, like Juliet had done a million times and the whole thing only lasted for about 4 months. It was like he had said to her a couple of days ago, they could never have worked out, they were both too screwed up. With Juliet he had an actual relationship, she loved him and she had his back.

Luckily there were a few abandoned tents left so Kate moved into a small tent at the backside of the beach. She remembered it once belonged to Libby and pictures of her death flashed through her mind. Hurley had been so sad and the sight of her suffering and him saying goodbye to her had made her break down too.

She was rearranging the inside of the tent because everything on the inside was ruined. Kate felt someone standing behind her and turned around meeting Jack's glare.

"Kate, I just wanted to say I'm sorry" He began apologizing.

She shifted a little and pulled her arms around her body. Let him do the talking, she thought.

"It was a reckless thing to do. I wasn't thinking." She looked up at him and said:

"It's ok Jack. No harm done." She said coldly.

Jack smiled at her relieved she forgave him not picking up the cold tone in her voice.

"So," He continued, walking towards her tent looking around in it.

"I can help you with the tent if you want to?" Jack hadn't had a clue what else to say. It wasn't their usual talk on the beach because a lot happened since then. They now had a history. They were engaged for Christ's sake. They had tried, and it hadn't worked out. And seeing Kate's behavior right now he wondered if they were ever going to give it a chance.

"No thanks Jack, I'll handle it myself." She smiled at him trying to convince him that she was fine. But Jack wasn't stupid. He wanted to say something but nothing came to his mind and decided it was best to just leave her to it.

Things had turned out so different for everyone, Jack thought. It killed him to know that it was partially his fault that Juliet was dead. And everyone blamed him for it. He hadn't meant for that to happen, he only wanted destiny to decide. Destiny. He thought about Kate and him. At one point he thought they were. It lasted very long before something had started between them. And when it did they were happy for a while. Kate needed someone to help and take care of Aaron and he did his best to be a surrogate father for him. But he always wondered if he wasn't a substitute for someone else. She did after all had some sort of a relationship with Sawyer for awhile before they left. She must have thought about him sometimes when they were together .

Jack had thought a lot about it when he was living with Kate. On the island she hadn't chosen him, she choose Sawyer, although she hadn't admitted it he knew she sneaked into his tent at night. She never came to him. Until Sawyer wasn't there anymore. He could have seen it coming, he thought slapping himself for being so blind.

He wondered what would happen between Kate and Sawyer. They always seemed to be unable to stay away from each other long. And now that they both had nobody things got very uncomfortable. He had already seen Sawyer's sideways glances at Kate when she didn't notice and he had seen her talking to him by his tent. Seeing them together had stung deep inside. Great, he thought, they all came full circle again.


	2. Chapter 2

Kate had thought a lot about her last confrontation with Sawyer , especially because he blew her off. She knew he had a hard time and he always came out more harsh then he means it. He didn't come out of his tent often and Kate was concerned about that.

She remembered she used to be the only one who could talk some sense into him. But that had most likely changed, she thought a little sad. She walked towards his tent that was on the other side of the beach, closer to the ocean and she remembered the times when she had sneaked in and out of his tent at night.

She stood before the closed tent flap and was about to 'knock' when he came through the flap and bumped against her.

"Oh, hey Freckles" He said smiling down at her cheekily. "Watcha doin' here?" He said, the southern drawl in his voice clearly audible. It was like he forgot all about his distant behavior the other day.

"Umm" She started still a little dazed at the smile he had given her. She hadn't seen that smile in a long time. And right know she realized how much she had missed it. The last time she had seen it was probably when he helped her into the helicopter and told her he had enough of this rock.

"I was wondering how you were doing. I haven't seen you around lately." She said looking up into his eyes. He looked so different, she thought. Probably because his face wasn't as much stubbly as before. It was weird seeing him with a almost clean shaven face and it reminded her of the first time she talked to him, when they were going on a quest to find a signal for the transceiver. After he had shot that polar bear she confronted him where he got the gun. It was also the first time they fought, Kate thought amused. His hair was different too, it was longer then before and it fell out of his face.

"I was busy." He responded. She felt the disappointment through her body when she heard the playful tone in his voice disappear and being replaced by a cold one.

"Busy with thinking?" She asked hesitantly not wanting to give him a hard time.

"Yeah something like that" He replied more shortly than necessary, avoiding eye contact.

"You know you can talk to me right? It's better than to sit around alone in your tent and think things through over and over again." Hear me talk, she thought. Wasn't that what she was doing the whole time? But she was let down by the sudden air of distance in his voice and tried him to open up to her.

"You wouldn't understand" He just said coldly.

"I wouldn't?"

"No" He then looked at her angry. He opened his mouth but closed it, looking down again.

"You know what? Forget it, you're right. I don't understand and I don't know why I even bothered to come here." He then looked up and for a minute Kate thought she saw disappointment shoot through his eyes. She turned around and walked away. He followed her with his eyes until she disappeared behind one of the tents.

Dammit, why couldn't he just talk to her? She tried to be nice, to check on him and talk to him and he just kept blowing her off. But it was just too damned hard talking to her. Just like It had been a couple of weeks ago when he came to her Dharma house one night. It was before the incident and she was back just one day. He had hesitated between going back home to Juliet or to ask Kate why she came back. The last question was eating him up so he went to Kate's house. But when she opened the door it was hard for him to form words. He was taken aback at the reaction she still clearly had on him and cursed her for it. After pulling himself together he finally got the words out.

She always had that effect on him, from the very beginning, he thought. She had made him do things he never had done before. He let himself be tortured only so he could con her into a kiss. At that moment he was just curious how it would be like. Afterwards he tried to deny how much he had thought of that kiss. He had told himself it was a bad idea to try for it again. Not only because she elbowed him in the face afterwards but also because he was scared shitless at the effect she had on him. But after a while he grew tired of denying and kissed her when they were working for the others. Afterwards he still tried to convince her that he only did it because he could see how the guards fought and she seemed to believe him, only he knew better.

And after she came into his cage, kissed him and began fumbling with the buttons of his shirt he couldn't pretend like it wasn't a big deal for him. And he remembered what happened then, he even remembered the way she looked at the time. After this there was no going back. He was desperately worried about her when she went on a rescue mission for Jack, he even tried to make himself more likeable in the group. Hell, he was even jealous at one point. And eventually he gave up his chance of freedom so that she could make it of the island.

That woman really got to him. And she still did, he noticed when she came to his tent before. So he decided that it was best to stay away from her. He didn't need things to get more complicate than it already was but he decided it wasn't right to blow her off like that.

Sawyer was sitting on his favorite chair when he saw her approaching. He got up and walked over to her. She was filling a couple of bottles with water in the water-basin and splashed some water on her neck. She stilled when she saw a shadow in front of her. He didn't say anything so she started, she didn't even need to look back to see who it was.

"You're here to say sorry, Sawyer?"

He laughed frankly at her, and she knew his trade mark dimples were showing. She turned around and looked up at him. She was wearing a green top with a v-neck and he could see her neck was still wet. He followed one of the drops of water that ran down the crook of her neck and disappeared into her cleavage. His mouth opened but he closed it again and he swallowed the lump in his throat. Luckily she didn't notice his reaction, he didn't even think she saw him looking. Right at the moment he wanted to say something he saw something in the corner of his eye. His eyes focused on a spot behind her, and his eyes were squinted. Kate looked over her shoulder, curious to what he was seeing. She saw a group of people approaching but couldn't make out who they were yet so she looked over at Sawyer to see if he had any idea. He took his glasses out of his pocket and put them on his nose. Kate tried to hold her laugh and placed her hand in front of her mouth to hide her amusement but a giggle escaped her lips. She felt a playful elbow in her side followed by a mock annoyed look from Sawyer and she was happy to see the sides of his lips turning upwards a bit. He now finally saw who were approaching. He saw Locke and a group of people he didn't know. But then he saw someone familiar appearing from behind Locke.

"Sonofabitch" He said like he couldn't believe his own eyes. Kate saw Sawyer's eyes scanning the beach behind them and had no idea what he was doing, he was probably searching someone but the dots connected in her head when she saw the person approach.

Jin was walking back to the beach, fishing rod still in his hand when he saw Sawyer waving like a maniac. He thought it was odd seeing the southern wasn't usually that cheerful. The years spend in Dharma they had build up a friendship and they got along better then he would have expected. When he got closer he saw movement behind Sawyer and saw a group of people approaching. He stopped in his tracks, suddenly getting why Sawyer was waving his hands franticly around. Walking at the end of the beach was Sun. She hadn't noticed him yet because he was behind a few tents but he saw her searching the beach with a desperate look in her eyes. Jin started to run and almost fell a couple times, his feet dragging trough the sand. He walked past Sawyer and Kate and he felt Sawyer's hand on his shoulder giving him an encouraging push.

The look on Sun's face when she saw Jin again was unforgettable for Kate. She had never seen her friend so happy before. Kate had been happy for Sun when she had seen that Jin was still alive because they all thought he died on the freighter. But Sun wasn't there to see it, they looked for her everywhere after the crash but hadn't found her. But seeing the two of them reunited at last warmed her heart. Jin crashed into her so hard they almost fell to the ground and Sun looked like she wasn't about to let him go soon saying things in Korean. Nobody understand it but they all knew what she was saying. Locke had smiled over at them and walked past them straight to Sawyer which surprised Kate.

"Good to see you James." He smiled at him in his usual controlled manner. He glanced sideways to Kate nodding. "Good to see you, Kate." He gave Sawyer a knowing look and walked away with a content smile on his face, keeping his eyes locked with Sawyer's. Kate also followed Locke with her eyes and her eyes found Sawyer's. The eye contact lasted a little longer than necessary and Kate felt her heart flutter at the way he was looking at her. It was exactly the way he used to look at her and she never noticed the intensity of it until now. She felt a little uncomfortable so she quickly looked at the ground. They both stood there shoulder to shoulder, looking over at Sun and Jin reuniting.

Jin had released Sun for a second and when they both became aware of the bystanders Sun immediately locked eyes with Kate. She walked over to her friend and wrapped her arms around Sun who was also very happy to see her. Tears were rolling of Sun's eyes. Sawyer noticed it and it was then that he realised how close the two of them must have gotten. She probably had thought that Jin was dead the whole 3 years just like Jin thought of her. He had witnessed the entire process of Jin's grief and helped him by looking for their people. He was glad he could do something so he and Jin searched the area every week. He had kept his mouth shut about the real reason for his frantic search. But what he didn't knew was that Jin always had his suspicions about Sawyer's real motive for searching for over 3 years. He hadn't said anything about it to Sawyer but he was pretty sure he was searching for any sign of Kate.

Jin was the one to quit and the moment they had stopped looking though, they came back on the island. Jin smiled sideways at Kate and Sun who were still holding each other and smiled at Sawyer from a distance walking over to him to give him a awkward hug. The Korean draw back and held Sawyer at arm's reach. The look in his eyes was utterly joy and he had watery eyes.

"Thank you" He said sincerely , his eyes full of emotion. Sawyer hit him in the chest playfully like it was nothing and looked over at Kate who was making heavy arm movements, probably telling Sun everything that happened.

He wondered how ironic it was that he and Jin had both searched for over 3 years for the two woman standing there. But Kate was standing 3 paces away from him and he couldn't even have a normal conversation with her. He wanted to though. Right before the return of their friends he wanted to talk to her, to let her know that he didn't pushed her away on purpose. It just came naturally. It also came naturally to fall back into their old routine full of flirting and banter and that was the thing he was most afraid of. So he kept his distance because he knew what she could do to him when he let his guards down in front of her. He wasn't going to feel that way ever again. But he couldn't help wondering if she had changed looking at her happy face, her eyes clear green and her hair cascading out of the messy bun.

Sawyer forced himself to look at something else and his eyes searched the new people that were standing at the side of the beach, not knowing how to act. Sawyer didn't knew who the hell they were but they clearly came with Locke. There was one chick who looked a little like Ana Lucia, a tall dark man with a moustache who probably was Hispanic was standing beside her. But someone else caught his eye, standing at a distance of the others, a short man with a fierce gaze appeared.

The camp seem to see Benjamin Linus too and the tension in the air was clearly noticeable. Ben was standing there, way too quiet for Sawyer's liking. He was looking at all the people with his piercing blue eyes and a look on his face that wasn't readable. A few of the people took their attention away from Ben but Sawyer kept his gaze focussed on him knowing the sneaky sonofabitch all too well. Ben gave him a mock polite smile back and nodded once in a greeting gesture.

It took a few hours but the commotion on the beach eventually died down. Everyone was talking and catching up around the campfire and Jin made them all a welcoming meal, including the new people which they eventually found out were survivors of the Ajira Airways Flight 316. Sawyer learned that Kate,Jack, Hurley, Sun, Sayid, Ben and Locke originally boarded that plane to get here but that Sun, Ben and Locke crashed in another time. Jack's plan had at least worked for something because they were all back in the current time, he thought. Sawyer decided that he wasn't going to join the jolly reunion so he retrieved in his tent.

Later that night Sawyer tried to fall asleep, listen to the ocean like he used to do but this time it made him restless. And every time he closed his eyes Juliet's face showed up. At first she looked exactly like he wanted to remember her. But the longer he saw her the more terrifying the image in his head became. At one point he saw her covered in blood and screaming his name. He jerked up and shook his head trying to shake the image from his mind.

Deciding he probably wasn't going to get sleep if those images kept haunting him he came out of his tent. He walked towards the ocean passing by the campfire along the way. When he reached the water he took off his shoes and placed his feet into the water. It always helped calming him down. He heard footsteps behind him so he cautiously looked behind him.

It was Locke.

"Hey there, James, Couldn't sleep?" He said a little too enthusiastic for his liking in the middle of the freaking night.

"Still have to get used to the rigid airplane seat bed I guess." Sawyer said talking along with him.

"Yeah, but it's a wonder your tent survived. Better be glad you still got a roof over your head, huh?" Sawyer didn't reply at his making a conversation nonsense and looked over the ocean. It was such a long time ago that he had stood here at night. After settling at the barracks he never went back. He remembered he had stood here many times before when Kate got out of his tent and he couldn't fall asleep after that. He was lost in his thoughts and almost forgot about Locke when he heard him say something.

"You know it's funny, " Locke started but then looked at him "What?" He asked irritated but curious about what he was going to say.

"Kate just stood there about 3 minutes ago. She couldn't sleep." He said nodding his head to the place Sawyer was standing beside him.

Sawyer looked around to see if she was still at the beach and looked back at Locke. But he was already walking away. Sawyer kept standing there staring at the waves. But his feet got restless and before he knew it he started to walk. He walked up towards the backside of the beach, not knowing which one was Kate's new tent. It was just then when he spotted a figure heading towards the jungle. It was definitely Kate, he thought although he couldn't see clear and especially not in the dark he saw it at the way she walked.

He decided to catch up with her. He walked a couple of paces behind her and she hadn't noticed him yet. But that wasn't strange considering the jungle was almost black. When he was close enough to reach her he grabbed her arm. She quickly turned herself around, got a hold of his arm , jerked it to the ground with all her force and striking his nose in the progress. He fell to the ground with a loud thud and she straddled him. She held his arms to the ground with her knees but released her grip when she heard her victim wince in pain. Recognizing his voice she realized that it was Sawyer. She was still shocked and the adrenaline rushed through her body. She was still on top of him holding his arms down.

" If that not sends me down to memory lane I don't know what does" He said wincing, his accent lazily on his tongue.

"Well that's what you get for creeping around the jungle in the middle of the night." She said angry. Her look softened when she looked down and saw him touching his nose. She leaned towards him a little to see his nose and examined it. She didn't see any blood so luckily it wasn't that bad. He watched her looking very serious at his nose. She bit her lower lip in concentration and her eyes searched across his nose ,her hair brushing across his arms. Suddenly realizing the familiar position they were in she met his gaze. Feeling uncomfortable she got up so quickly it looked like she had burned herself. She took some much needed space from him, tugged her hair behind her ears and placed her arms around her body while he lifted himself from the ground.

"So, what the hell were you doin' out here in the middle of the night anyways?!" He asked.

"I was just taking a walk. I couldn't sleep. What were YOU doing here?" She said still a little mad at him for scaring her like that.

"I was umm.. taking a walk too." He lied. Kate immediately saw trough him and wondered why he had followed her. Maybe he couldn't sleep too and felt bad about what happened the day before, she thought. Otherwise he wouldn't have followed her. But she knew she couldn't expect an apology. Not that she wanted one, she knew why he had acted like before. He had every reason to.

"So we just happened to run into each other in the middle of the night ,in the middle of the jungle?" She said giving him a knowing look.

Dammit, he thought.

He laughed a little, showing she got him. His dimples showing distinctly. He then looked at her seriously and said:

"What was that all about before?"

"What?"

"You coming to talk to me ,becoming all upset and leave."

"It's about you blowing me off every time I come to see you." She looked at him while saying it and she saw his face change. It was enough for her to see that he regretted it but she still didn't get it.

"Why do you do that?" She continued.

He opened his mouth but closed it, looking down again.

He decided to just say it: "Because you just come fluttering back to the island and think everything will be nice and dandy.." His glare was deadly, his eyes clear green. But she didn't look away. Instead she gave him a furious look, her eyes blazing with fire. He had never seen her so angry. She came towards him pushing him backwards against his chest.

"How dare you say that to me! You don't know shit about what I went through!" She hadn't been so angry in her whole life. How dare he judge her like that and think she just came 'fluttering' back to the island.

"Listen, I" He tried to calm her a little seeing it was in the middle of the night and everyone else was sleeping.

She lowered her voice down a little but he could still hear the fury in her voice.

"No, YOU listen, ever since I'm back you've been avoiding me. And I want to know why because I didn't do anything to YOU!" He felt the accusing tone in her voice and he said: "Oh and your saying I did?"

He looked at her as angry as she was looking at him right now. Then she lowered her eyes a bit and said almost inaudible: "You left me James"


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

_Emotions run up high and Sawyer witnesses an interesting conversation_

She looked up hesitantly. He knew she was talking about him jumping of the helicopter. He looked at her like he couldn't believe the words that came out of her mouth. He was stunned, she actually thought he abandoned her?

"Left you? I rescued you!" He said defending himself.

"I didn't need rescuing"

"Well, pumpkin' if I hadn't we both would be on the ocean floor right now."

"You know after you jumped ,the helicopter crashed anyway." He went silent taking in what she was telling him. "We were on a inflatable rubber dinghy the whole night."

"Oh so you're blaming me for not knowing that? And for jumping? At the time I thought it was the right thing to do."

"How do you mean at the time?"

"Never mind" He said turning his head sideways.

"No, I want to know" She said firmly trying to make him look at her, her voice was insisting.

He just looked at her, his eyes full of emotions that he quickly hid. Kate missed it and thought that he didn't care and that hurt her more than anything. She was shooting daggers at him with her eyes and Sawyer turned around , secretly enjoying the switch of position but also feeling like crap. He cared, sure he did. But it was all in the past and he didn't want to go over this all again. Whatever happened, happened.

He thought about Juliet, and how much he missed her. Even their fights. Although they didn't had many of them. The few they've had were about who was making diner that night. They weren't the kind of couple that yelled and screamed at each other, and especially not jumping each other in the middle of the jungle, in the middle of the night.

He thought about the night it all chanced between him and Juliet. It was around the time he felt Juliet and him had a thing going on. She made clear she liked him more than a friend. He hadn't expected it, too busy with thinking about Kate too see it and it worried him. The notorious conman James Ford who made a living of seducing woman and understanding their body language to get them into bed had been oblivious about the fact that Jules was into him. Afterwards he had seen the signs were pretty obvious, he just wasn't there with his head. So she had confessed it one night after diner, almost a year and a half after the day the freighter blew up. She had done it in a way that was typically her: confident, cool and straight to the point. He thought about the way she made clear to him that he couldn't keep looking for Kate forever. And that was the moment he let her in. But he never let her in completely. At least, not James Ford. She made him a better man, she made him Jim La Fleur. But he wasn't anymore, and he could decide when that chanced. Probably when Juliet fell, but something in him told him it was the day Kate got back.

One day Jack called everybody together at the beach and Sayid, Jin and Sun were already standing next to him when Kate walked over to them. Jack had never apologized for his behavior that one night and Kate felt the tension hanging between them, although he was nice to her. When everybody were standing around him he began to speak up. "Alright, listen up everybody, Sayid, Jin and me are going to the hatch to see in what state it is. If it's already opened it will be good for shelter, food and a shower. We also are going to the Staff station for medical supplies. We need a few people who can carry things back. Who is going with us?" At that a few people of the new survivors were curious about the hatch and Kate saw Hurley and Sun stepping forward. She stepped forward too and looked at Jack while saying: "I'm in." Which turned a grateful smile on Jack's face.

Sawyer watched the whole thing from a distance. He didn't want to go, especially not because it was the hatch they were going but he also didn't want to go because it was Jack's idea . But he was curious what the group was talking about so he walked over to the group but kept a little distance. Kate turned her head when she saw someone in the corner of her eye. Sawyer was standing there being his reluctant self.

"Were leaving now so everybody follow me." They heard Jack saw at the background, Kate turning her head to see if they were leaving yet.

"Are you coming?" She asked neutrally not wanting to sound like she wanted him to come.

"No."

"Aha, same old same old ,huh?"

He grinned at this and turned halfway around. She caught his arm and she looked him straight in the eye. Did she want him to come along? This was new, Sawyer thought.

Kate didn't want him to be alone at the camp and be all bitter. She wanted to keep an eye on him because she had a feeling he would sneak out alone to look for Juliet the moment he got the chance. But seeing a determined look in his eyes she decided to give up and let go of his arm. It was after all his choice.

Kate walked away and Sawyer watched until the group disappeared into the jungle. He waited for about 30 minutes and then went into his tent to pack his back. He looked around the beach for the remaining people and when the coast was clear he walked into the jungle, heading for the barracks not noticing his silent pursuer.

Sawyer had packed a bottle of water and it was already empty. He stopped at a clearing and filled the bottle with new fresh water. He had a strange feeling of not being alone and turned his head, suddenly met by Locke who was kneeling next to him, filling the bottle carelessly. Sawyer jumped up, dropping the bottle out of his hands. "Jesus Christ, boldy. You wanna give me a heart-attack or something?!" He yelled at Locke , hiding the frightened look on his face with a cocky one.

"Oh hello James. I thought you already noticed me." John replied friendly with a polite smile plastered on his face. Sawyer rolled his eyes resisting the urge to slap that goofy grin of his face.

"Glad to see your navigation skills hadn't changed the past 3 years " Locke said without a hint of sarcasm in his voice. Seeing the annoyed look on Sawyer's face he smiled and continued. "Now, I've been following you since the beach and I couldn't quite make out where the hell you wanted to go until I noticed the gun sticking out of your jeans."

"I heard about Juliet, I'm sorry James." Locke said sincerity in his eyes but Sawyer felt the rage beginning to choke him at only the mention of her name.

"But do you really think going back to the barracks with a gun is going to bring her back?"

"We don't know what year it is, maybe she's still an other and is living in one of those yellow houses right over there."

"If she is, she won't remember you."

"I'll make her remember." He said and then stormed off in a direction he didn't know was the right one.

Sawyer didn't know how, but he made it to the barracks. Juliet was walking there, completely oblivious to the fact that he was watching her through the bushes. It was strange seeing her here without a scratch on her body when he so clearly remembered the way she looked when he last saw her. He was so relieved she was alive but the only thing he wanted to know now was if she remembered him. It would kill him if she wouldn't. It would be like the last couple of years never happened, like they were strangers.

As on cue she looked right into his eyes, or was that just his eyes playing tricks on him. He saw a faint smile appear on her face and then turned around and walked straight towards one of the houses like she was caught with doing something she wasn't allowed. Sawyer noticed she went into the house they were living in but then saw someone in the corner of his eyes. It was Ben. Wasn't that sonofabitch at their camp? Maybe this was the younger version of him, still living in the past. But then it struck him that he hadn't seen Benjamin Linus on the beach this day. What if he escaped their camp and walked to the barracks too? But why would he want to do that? And didn't Locke watch him? Locke. He had tried to talk him out of going here.

Sawyer was shook out of his thoughts when he heard a voice behind him.

"So does she remember?"

"You let Ben escape?"

"Why would you think a thing like that James?"

He rushed over toward the house Juliet went in, Locke tried to stop him but he shook him off him and kept walking. He looked around to see if the coast was clear and then knocked.

Juliet opened the door and had a blank look on her face which scared him. She walked into the house and Sawyer followed her.

"Jules, please tell me you remember."

"I do." She said with hesitation. Sawyer let out a relieved sigh and smiled up at her. He hugged her and they stood there for a few seconds. Sawyer couldn't believe this was happening.

"But I don't know what happened exactly. After I detonated the bomb I woke up here, in bed."

"Honey, that doesn't matter, as long as you're here right now…"

"Ben's here."

"Yeah I saw, what is he doing here?"

"He was at your camp."

"I know, but why is he back here then?"

"He told me you all live at the beach again?"

"Yeah… I" He sighed while saying it and he wanted to continue but he cut her off.

"With Kate?"

"Well… yeah Kate is there too." He answered with a confused look on his face, not knowing what she meant.

"Jules what does that got to do with it?"

"Nothing I just…"

"Honey, let's not talk about that, I'm so happy your alive."

"I'll get you out of here, I promise." He added after releasing her from his embrace.

"Come on, let's go."

"Where to?"

"To the beach, everyone is there."

"I'm not coming with you."

"What?"

"James, I remember our conversation right before …"

"Yeah I remember."

"My feelings hadn't changed."

He looked dumbfounded.

"What are you talking about?"

"You know full well what I'm talking about."

"We weren't supposed to be together."

"That's bullshit and you know it."

"The whole reason why we even got together is because Kate and Jack left."

He looked at her and she could see he was not believing her.

"You really think we got together if Kate was still walking around here?"

"How many times did I told you that Kate and me never could have worked out."

"You never gave it a chance."

"I'm leaving tomorrow with the submarine."

"What?!"

"This is my chance to get off the island, we are back in 2004 so my sister is still alive and I can still save her."

"Then I'll go with you." He said with determination.

"No, I don't want you to."

"Goddammit Jules. Don't those last 3 years mean anything to you?!" He asked in a bewildered tone.

"Off course they do. You're the sweetest man I have ever been with."

"Then stay with me, or at least let me go with you!" He almost yelled at her. Why was she doing this to him?

"You're needed here James." She said softly but sincerely like she repeated someone else's words.

And after a silence :"Trust me."

Meanwhile the rest of the group were packing everything they could from the hatch. Jack was stashing the medicine supply and Kate and Hurley were carrying the food to the general stash in the area were the button was. They all found it very strange that the button wasn't working since it was already build.

Kate smiled at Jack from a distance and he smiled back. She couldn't be mad at him for long and she saw by the way he was looking at her he still regretted making her upset by giving her Claire's tent. After an hour they had everything they needed and people began carrying the stuff back to the camp, taking as much food and clothes in one walk as possible. Jack was walking a few rows before her and she caught up to him. She began walking next to him in silence until Jack broke the silence.

"You don't look so good Kate."

"Thanks" She said smiling, pretending like he had insulted her.

"I didn't mean it like that.. I mean you look …" She smiled knowing Jack's direct ways of telling.

"Jack it's OK. I know I look like crap. Hadn't slept in a while that's all" She explained.

"You sure that's all?" He looked at her with curiosity.

"Yup" She said back trying to look full of confidence but failed.

"It has nothing to do with the conversation you and Sawyer had the other day in the middle of the night?"

It was silent for a while Kate looking confused.

"You heard that?" She whispered, not wanting to be heard by everyone.

"Yeah, the whole camp probably" He said smiling a little when she saw Kate looking uncomfortable.

"I umm…"

"You don't have to explain it Kate." He smiled at her.

"I just don't want you to worry too much about him. He's having a hard time."

"I know, it just kills me to know that he doesn't want to talk to me. But you don't understand that."

"Actually, I do." He said looking at her with one clarifying look. Kate looked up, he was talking about her. She knew he was right and felt a little guilty for not talking to him but she couldn't tell him everything that was on her mind.

When the group returned to the beach with food, clothes and medicine from the hatch Kate began walking faster, passing by Jack who know full well were she was going.

She knew he was gone before she walked in his tent but went in nevertheless. The tent was empty inside. She glanced around the tent. It was so strange to be in his tent again, she thought. She never had thought that she would be here again. They had been through a lot in this tent. In the beginning she had jumped him for a suitcase. But as time passed she had jumped him for totally other reasons, she thought thinking back at that time, smirking a little of the memory. _You don't have to use me Freckles, all you gotta do is ask._

She jumped a little when she heard the tent flap open an she was met by Jack's face.

"He's gone?"

"Yeah…" She said ,upset he actually left.

"If he's not back in the morning we'll start a search, alright?"

"Tomorrow? What if he is lost? You know what a crap tracker he is…" She said, smiling softly at the memory of him trying to track the boar he wanted to kill for revenge but couldn't find it without her help.

"He lived here for over 3 years Kate. In the meantime I think he knows the island better than us." He said trying to convince her to stay. He wouldn't want her to go into the jungle now the sun was already beginning to set. Looking at her eyes he knew he did a good job, she seemed to realize he was right. She wouldn't be so stupid to go after him in the first place.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Sawyer tried to keep the tears from falling. His eyes were blurry and that only caused him to wander around the jungle even more. He didn't know where the hell he was and the worst part was that he didn't even cared. The tears were pricking the corner of is eyes but he angrily shook his head trying to make them go away. He didn't know if it were tears from distress or anger. Probably both because he still felt the anger rushing through his body when he thought back at how Juliet had made him clear that she didn't want him to come. He had done everything to convince her, he at one point even begged but there was no use. She already made up her mind by the willful look on her face. But other than that he had seen something else in her eyes which he couldn't make out. Disappointment? But why would she be disappointed in him? He hadn't done anything to her other than hanging onto her with all his willpower. He would be disappointed since she was the one that gave up and let go of his hand eventually.

Sawyer stopped and glanced around the jungle. He had been walking for about 2 hours after Juliet told him to go back to the camp. Off course he didn't want to at first but he backed off eventually seeing the stern look on her face. What was wrong with her? Did someone told her to do this? Back at the beach he had been thinking about why she was so upset right before the incident. It was about Kate, that was for sure. But he hadn't done anything wrong, he hadn't tried anything with Kate and Juliet knew that. But she told him that it was the way he looked at her. In Sawyer's eyes she was overreacting, but seeing she repeated it again this time she clearly was bothered by it more then he first thought.

Sawyer suddenly stopped in his tracks hearing the sound of branches splitting. It wasn't a loud sound since he wasn't making any noise he heard it. He searched the ground for a rock to throw but couldn't find any.

"Come out, come out ,wherever you are…" He said with a less cheery voice then people would normally say it.

He heard rustling of bushes at his backside and he quickly turned around seeing Kate walk out the bushes.

"Couldn't help yourself, could you Sheena?" He asked semi-annoyed but his voice was lacking with the usual humor. Kate smiled guilty. She looked behind him and her face changed into one of concern.

"She wasn't there?" She asked hesitatingly looking at his reaction.

"Oh, she was there alright." He said and Kate noticed the angry look on his face which she hadn't expected to see.

"So… What happened then?"

"She left." He said after debating if he wanted to tell her. He seriously didn't wanted to , but when he had looked down at her he could see she really cared and the words had come right out.

Kate's face changed into a shocked expression and asked incredibly. "Left where?!"

"She took a sub off the island." He could see she had the same puzzled expression on her face like he had when he first heard it.

"And what are you doing here then? Aren't you supposed to be on that sub too?"

"She didn't want me to come." He chuckled softly after a pause but his eyes looked hollow like he still couldn't believe it himself.

He could see that Kate was speechless and he angrily brushed past her toward the beach.

"Where are you going?" She asked bewildered.

"What does it look like I'm going. Back to the beach."

"Beach it that way Tex." She said pointing towards the opposite way he was walking.

He stopped in his tracks, turned around angrily and brushed past her. Kate had to hold her hand against her mouth since it would be inappropriate to laugh but couldn't help herself to smile about the fact that she was right, he still couldn't track worth a damn.

They were walking trough the jungle silently, Kate not knowing what to say or do. She had asked Sawyer a few things and he made it very clear he wasn't in the mood for talking.

"You really love her do you?" She finally worked up the courage to ask it and asked it softly.

She could see his shoulders tense as she walked behind him and she held her breath. He rapidly turned around angrily. He was frowning and seemed to be over thinking something and then said with his chin raised: "I did."

"She's not dead, James." She tried to encourage him.

"Will you not call me that?" He hissed at her.

She looked hurt and Sawyer immediately felt terrible.

"I know she's not dead. She's just gone." He said eventually with a much softer voice, looking in her eyes. "We weren't supposed to be together."

"She said that?"

"Yeah"

"And you believe her?"

"She has a point." He sighed. "The whole relationship was based on a lie, Kate. And although I loved her, I just became someone else with her." Why was he telling her all this, he thought. But the words seem to automatically came out of his mouth when he looked into her piercing eyes.

Kate was thankful he finally told her something, let her in. Sawyer noticed her grateful look and turned around again, not very comfortable under her gaze. But she clearly wouldn't give it a rest.

"I didn't think that everything was going to be nice and dandy when I returned here." She let the words linger a little bit until he turned around to meet her eyes.

I didn't even want to come back. " She said looking into his eyes.

"Then why did you?" He said with a confused look on his face. He had asked this question before and hadn't gotten his answer. He was curious but he didn't let it show.

"Because Jack went" She said confidently.

"Oh yeah that's right , and if the good doctor jumps of a bridge you jump after him. At least that hadn't changed." He said smirking trying his best to make it look like he found it amusing but deep side he really didn't.

She looked at him trying to shut him up with her eyes and he got the message.

"You don't know what I went through." She said, still mad at what he had said about her thinking everything will be nice and dandy. He was so wrong on that one.

"You think I don't understand you, do you James? That I don't know what it is to lose somebody?"

And after a long pause…

"I lost my son." She let the words linger and she saw he was progressing her words. Probably wondering if it was his.

"You told me you weren't pregnant." He said hesitantly and clearly shocked of this new found revelation.

"After you jumped, Sun handed Aaron to me and I never let go of him. I raised him." She paused a moment, taking a deep breath and continued. She could see the relieve on his face. "But I had to let him go because he wasn't supposed to be with me." She continued.

He knew those last words all too well, he thought. They still echoed in his mind and it was strange hearing them from her.

"So it wasn't exactly 'nice and dandy' " She said giving him a furious look. The emotions were clearly gripping her. Sawyer had never seen her so vulnerable. And right now he felt so guilty for judging her.

During their argument she had come closer to him and he hadn't noticed it. But now she was looking up at him he suddenly felt uncomfortable standing so close to her. Her nose was only mere inches away from his and he had to do his best not to look down at her lips.

Kate felt the emotions boiling back up again as a result of being so close to him. They were too much for her and she was confused were these feelings came from all of a sudden. You could cut the tension with a knife and she felt her heartbeat raise when he looked at her. Right before he leaned in she drew back, lingering her face still close to him but then brushed past him.

He forgot it was so hard to stand close to her and not do anything. He used to feel it every time she got closer and he cursed himself for forgetting what it felt like. It was like he forgot everything around him. And that still was seeing he forgot he was still angry with her ,although he didn't knew the reason. The reality suddenly dawned upon him. He almost kissed her. He was glad she drew back because he honestly didn't know what had happened if he had felt her lips on his again. He shook that memory out of his mind and looked at her retreating form. She clearly hadn't chanced that much, Sawyer thought as he saw her walking away, almost running and he chuckled to himself. _A tiger doesn't change its stripes._

Kate had felt all the old hurt come to the surface again and did her best to suppress it. She discovered he was still capable of bringing up all kinds of emotions with one look or word and it scared her. It had been 3 years since everything they talked about happened but still she felt the emotions ran high. She had done a lot of talking with Cassidy the last two years and it still disturbed her. Cassidy convinced her he jumped to get away from her and as she was walking away from him in an insane tempo she couldn't help but think that he actually HAD jumped for her.

Kate had been avoiding Sawyer almost 3 weeks. It wasn't that hard to avoid him since he spent most of his time in his tent or with Miles. She sometimes saw him leaving early in the morning and return to grab some food. Sometimes he stayed in his tent all day. Kate had tried to be useful recently and helped the other people with building their tents. She had also improved her tent although it still looked more like a tipi. All the things she wanted to say to him were eating her up but still she stayed away from him stubbornly.

She was sitting at the fire alone when she saw him. He walked to the fire and stood on the opposite of her. His eyes were fixed on the fire. A deep wrinkle formed between his eyebrows and his glance was dark. She had never seen him like this. He pulled up the board of his sweater and seemed to hide his head in it as like he was cold. He looked at her shortly and she saw the sadness in his eyes. A shiver ran down her back and he averted his eyes.

Sun casted look her way and saw that Kate had a sick look on her face and that she was very pale. She sat down next to her and asked.

"Are you OK?" She whispered with concern in her voice. Kate nodded at her friend and gave her a friendly smile. She looked over at Sawyer but then noticed he was walking in the direction of his tent. Kate wanted to go after him but he obvious wanted to be left alone. Kate felt another wave of nausea and bowed her head between her knees to make the feeling go away. She excused herself from Sun and basically ran back to the jungle where she got sick.

It had been a day since her confrontation with Sawyer at the campfire and she hadnt slept that good. Her bed wasn't really the most comfortable and when she laid awake she got worried of Aaron. She wondered if he was alright, hopefully he was taken care of and he was soundly sleeping in a nice warm bed right now. She was now sitting on the table in the common kitchen area. It was beginning to get dark and Kate sat her diner plate down although she hadn't taken one bite of it. The last couple of days she felt nauseous and last night she even got sick. Feeling herself hurl at the sight of the boar she wondered if she maybe had food poisoning but she decided to wait before she went to Jack about it. She wasn't ready for a confrontation and sighed softly. Great, she was actually hiding from two men at the same time, on a deserted island.

She walked away from the others while nodding at Hurley who saw her leave. She hadn't spoken to anyone she was sitting with for diner and had silently listened to the conversation Rose, Hurley and Sayid had. Well, listened wasn't the right word because when they all looked at her with a questioning gaze she hadn't had a clue what they probably had asked her. After she excused herself she walked towards her tent and saw Jack standing outside his tent. She had no interest in talking to him but she had to pass his tent to get to hers.

"Talk to him Kate" Was all he said and he didn't even looked at her.

"Talk to who?" She said, not wanting to give him the idea her mind immediately wondered to Sawyer.

He seemed to see through her and rolled his eyes.

"You know who." He said annoyed.

"And since when do you ca…"

"Because I love you." He interrupted her looking at her with a firm look.

It was quiet for a while. Kate hadnt expected that.

"Jack, I …"

"I know Kate, you don't love me."

She was silent, looking to the ground not knowing what to say. For Jack it was the confirmation he wanted a long time ago.

"I'm not even sure you ever did" He continued.

"That's not true." She said giving him an angry look.

"Oh it's not? Then say it Kate. Say you love me."

She didn't say anything. She was taken aback by his sudden reproachful behavior and she wondered were it came from suddenly. Plus she didn't knew what she felt for him anymore.

"Because if you did then why did you kicked me out of your house the moment Sawyer was mentioned?"

"Jack, please just quiet down alright I don't want everyone.."

"No Kate, I want to know." He said almost pleadingly.

"I don't know" She said confused, shaking her head repeatedly.

"It's a simple question Kate. I think I deserve to know seeing you were about to marry me?"

"I made him a promise." She said, looking up at him hoping he wouldn't give her a hard time but she had seen the moment they started the conversation he was looking for answers.

"You made me a promise too Kate." He said sincerity in his voice. She knew full well he was referring to their engagement.

"I guess the other one meant more for you." He added, walking away and leaving a teary eyes Kate behind.

Sawyer stood rooted on the same spot, a puzzled look on his face. He had overheard Jack and Kate talking and didn't want to be a eavesdropper so he had decided to walk away. Until he heard Jack say something that caught his interest. No, actually it was the lack of response Kate had given Jack when he asked her if she loved him. The conversation had ended now and he felt a little guilty for overhearing them. He looked over at Kate an she was walking towards her tent ,clearly still distressed. He followed her with his eyes and noticed she walked past her own tent and walked into the jungle.

He hesitated for a while whether he was going to follow her or leave her alone for a while but then he thought about what could happen to her, alone in the jungle in the middle of the night and cursed Jack for not caring. He was walking back to his tent without even looking back. Sawyer decided to follow her and saw that she began to run. He sighed and ran after her.

Kate didn't know where to go to. Jack had made her so sad and yet so angry. The first thing that popped up in her mind was going to Sawyer. But on second thought she knew that wouldn't be a smart idea. She sometimes used to go to him after she had a fight with Jack and she felt stupid for thinking it could still be that way. And not only she felt stupid, she felt a twinge of pain too because honestly, all she wanted to do was go to him but she couldn't. She walked towards the jungle, feeling the need to be totally alone. When she looked back she noticed the camp was still visible and began to run until it was out of sight. It kept growing darker and darker the deeper she walked into the jungle but it suddenly turned completely black.

Sawyer was trying to keep up with her, silently cursing himself for going after her. 'Jesus, what is wrong with that woman?!" He thought to himself when he saw her running like mad. But then she disappeared from his sight. He hadn't been able to see her clearly but now he didn't see her at all. He ran towards the point where she vanished and looked over a big trunk from a tree. He smiled a little to himself when he saw her there, lying on her back, her eyes wide open, staring up at him with a shocked look. She was truly a piece of work, he thought chuckling.

"You wanna make this into a monthly meeting Freckles?" He smirked, not successful at hiding the amusement, his cocky demeanor on full display. He held his hand out for her and she looked at him very annoyed which always amused him even more.

True to form, Kate was stubborn and tried to dig her feet in, but after a brief struggle she must have realized it was pointless. With a sigh, she took his hand and let him help her up. But the moment he released her ,her ankle gave way again and he caught her just in time. He kept his hands around her and helped her walk. They walked for a while without speaking, but he had no problem reading her thoughts. She had an expressive face, and he'd always been good at translating it. She pulled away from him, then turned and lifted her head and looked into his eyes, still not saying anything. Sawyer felt his lips twitch.

"What? Still mad at me?"

She tugged a loose stray of hair behind her ears and shook her head, a sad look on her face.

"I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at myself — or at least disgusted with myself."

His heart clenched as tears began to roll down her face. He didn't knew what the hell she was talking about and decided it wasn't the best time to ask. It had to be about the conversation with Jack before but she had no idea he had heard everything. Taking a step forward, she settled herself against his body, her arms around his waist, the side of her face resting on his throat. Sawyer was rooted to the ground and didn't know what to do with the situation, which wasn't a common thing for him. Her sudden closeness shocked him and he didn't knew what to do with a crying Kate but that disappeared the moment he felt her hands resting on his back and her wet cheeks in the crook of his neck. His chin came down and he gently laid it down on her head while his arms surrounded her in a gesture of comfort and protection. Their movements were fluid and natural, as if they'd stood like this many times before.

Kate mumbled into his shirt, "If you crack a joke, or make some witty ass comment, I swear I'll bite you."

He had to chuckle at this and she lifted her head to meet his eyes. They sparkled and she placed a small kiss on his cheek, close to his ear ,which seem to surprise both of them. Sawyer had felt her tense a little and her lips lingered there a little longer until he stepped back when it became a little awkward. Trying to loosen the mood a little bit he said.

"All right, no jokes, no making fun. Come on. Let's get back to the beach. Everything will be okay. I promise." He flashed her the most sweet smile she had ever seen on him and looked a little confused though surprised at his gesture. She had never seen this side of him. Sawyer reassuring her that everything will be okay? She chuckled a little bit but decided she wouldn't say anything about it. It would probably turn him into his belligerent self again so she smiled back at him.

Kate had stubbornly insisted on walking back to camp by herself, just as Sawyer had expected. When they finally arrived to the camp because of the limp in Kate's walk there were still a few people at the common kitchen area, the rest of the beach was empty. As Sawyer walked back to his own tent he turned back to Kate who was walking the opposite way and called out: "Night Freckles" She turned around a little surprised but smiled.

"Good night, James" God, was she trying to kill him? Sawyer thought when he walked back. The moment he heard his name come out of her mouth he felt his shoulders tense and the hair on his arms came up. But he knew this time it was because of a totally different reason this time when he felt shivers ran though his spine.

_Dammit, Freckles._


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

The evening settled upon the shoreline and the waves crashed quietly upon the sand were Hurley's feet were resting. He found it very comforting to sit here and feel the waves against his feet. He looked around at a few people that were sitting by the campfire and a satisfied curved on his lips. The island life had returned to normal and people were starting to feel comfortable again, off course to Sawyer's annoyance, Hurley thought sadly, looking over at him. Sawyer had gone back to his belligerent self again, even calling him Stay Puft and all that shit. But this time around it didn't piss him off as it used to do. He actually had missed being called nicknames by Sawyer. And although he was still annoying as always , especially the first month ,Hurley had noticed how the southerner had softened a bit during time. Although he was still broken by the sudden departure of Juliet. Everybody had heard about it and were feeling bad for Sawyer. It looked like he really loved Juliet and had build up a life with her that nobody expected he could ever have. Then she was pulled into a hole and had to let her go, thinking everyday for a week that she was dead, and then he suddenly finds her and she leaves without looking back.

Although he never admitted it to himself until just now, he had always respected Sawyer in a strange way. He insulted everybody on purpose but Hurley noticed from very early on that there was so much more to him then that met the eye. At first he thought Sawyer was just a stupid redneck who only cared about himself and his stupid stash. And by the looks of everything at that time he didn't even care if he would die. But as time passed he saw that he actually started to care. And he had a faint idea who had caused that.

He looked over at Kate who was busy with the campfire, talking with Sun. He smiled to himself. She did the exact same thing again ,though. Probably without even knowing herself she gave him something to live for, something to hold on to. He could see it in the way Sawyer was looking at her right now. Hurley had expected that something should have happened between those two by now. The attraction between them was hard to miss, Hurley thought as he looked over at Sawyer who was obviously dueling himself whether to go to her or not. Noticing the hurt in his eyes Hurley doubted if he would ever give into his feelings for her. Not enduring the look in Sawyer's eyes one more second he walked up to him.

Kate was talking to Sun about the current state of her 'bed' while Sun smiled amused at her friends complaints. Kate was never someone to complain so it was pretty entertaining hearing her talk about how the airplane seats had springs sticking out who stabbed right into her back. She asked her if maybe she had some sort of remedy from her garden and Sun shook her head. Although she had rearranged the garden for the most part, the seeds weren't useful yet. They were just starting to come out of the ground so she had to disappoint her friend. But she _did_ offer her her own bed, but Kate refused politely saying that Jin probably wasn't to pleased with his new roomie and they both chuckled at the thought of it. Sun soon retreated back to her tent to sleep and Kate was now sitting at the campfire alone. She wasn't very eager to go to her bed.

She remembered when she used to sleep in her previous tent ,she couldn't sleep that well either but this bed sets the record. When she came back she had forgotten all about that the lack of sleep was the worst part about living on the island. The lack of sleep was killing her right know, maybe she would just sleep next to her bed again, just like she had done the previous night.

Sawyer looked up when he saw a large shadow approaching in the corner of his eyes.

"Yo dude" Hurley said cheerfully, not knowing how to act around Sawyer who apparently wanted to be left alone.

"Yo yourself, Jabba" Sawyer muttered although he couldn't help but smile inwardly at the big man's good intentions.

"Soo…" Hurley said a little awkwardly while sitting himself down on the sand next to Sawyer. "How have you been?" He said after he realized the two of them hadn't even talked that much after his return. But as soon as he met the southerners eyes he realized his mistake. "Don't answer that." It had been a reflex to ask it, just like you do with any other people you haven't seen for awhile.

"It's Ok, Hugo." Sawyer said softly after sighing deeply. "I'm just peachy." He said in a sarcastic tone. After a while Hurley noticed he wasn't going to return the question so he started.

"Yeah, you know it's pretty crazy being back here , after spending 3 years in the real world and all." He started and he got an understanding chuckle from Sawyer and he heard him mutter something that sounded like "Whadda you been up to then?"

"Nah… not much. You know the regular… I was in a mental institution…" He said thoughtfully and that made Sawyer turn his head with a confused look on his face but Hurley pretended not to notice an continued, looking at the sky. "…which Sayid helped me escape from. Umm… I saw Charlie and oh yeah I visited Jin's grave." Sawyer shrugged at the lighthearted way he was saying it and Hurley too saw the irony in all of it which caused the secretive smile on his face. Sawyer had to admit that even though the things he had said weren't comical at all, he had to admit the big guy was already cheering him up. In some strange way he had always been capable of that, Sawyer admitted.

But Hurley's smile died of his face and all of a sudden he was acting like he wanted something off his chest. He started fidgeting at his cargo pants and Sawyer had the idea that he was waiting on something he would say. He looked curiously at Hurley and he could see at the thin line of his lips that he wanted to spat it out, unable to hold it in any longer, although it must have been exactly one minute he was considering the whole thing. Sawyer almost wanted to say something in the course of the big guy's resemblance to Curby right now but he decided to swallow his words, wondering when he had learned to do that. He _had _grown up, indeed, he thought vigorously.

"Dude, aren't you going to ask me like… you know stuff…" He said it in his typical wavering way of talking but Sawyer could sense that there was urgency in it too and that got his attention.

Sawyer frowned. "Like what, Curby?"

"You know… Like how things went between her and Jack or something…" Hurley said while giving Kate a pointing look. "I was there you know." He gave him a conspiring smile and Sawyer sighed again, fed up with the fact that he was that obvious.

"I already know. But thanks for your concern, chubby." He said, his voice soaked in sarcasm. Hurley's brow raised at that, he hadn't expected Sawyer to know of it yet, and he wondered if they were even talking about the same thing.

"Jackass proposed to her and she said yes apparently, they raised Aaron and they lived happily ever after." Sawyer snorted in a boasting way which he hoped covered up the hurt he felt inside after hearing those words out load. He had realized that they were engaged after the conversation he had over heard between her and Jack and the thought of it already made him sick, but to hear it out load was even worse. He looked to his side and noticed Hurley was giving look that probably meant 'dude, you're an idiot'.

Hurley decided to just blur it out since he was for sure Sawyer didn't knew the extent of everything. He didn't need to, but he felt he owed it to him since he always thought Sawyer and Kate would end up together.

"He didn't raise him." He said matter of factly.

"He was only there for a few months." Hurley continued with a knowing look towards Sawyer, like he was doing him a favor of telling him this. _Pff.. He couldn't care less_, Sawyer thought. But sat up more straight nevertheless.

"Kate kicked him out after he reached for the bottles much to often for her liking." Hurley said and he was surprised at the smooth sentence that came out of his mouth. He hadn't stammered or called him 'dude' once.

"Well, I'll be damned." Sawyer drawled lazily since it was the only thing appropriate that would come out of his mouth.

Hurley had to smile at the tranquility of the cocky drawl that was supposed to cover up his true feelings. But Hurley knew better. Sawyer looked over at Kate sitting by the fire and it was strange to picture her kicking Jack out.

"So… you are staring at her for what… about an hour now? Wondering if you should go to her…What are you still doing here, dude?"

Sawyer hadn't expected that, especially not from Hurley. He _was_ clearly that obvious, he thought after he looked over at Kate again. She was sitting alone now, staring into the fire like it had all the answers in the world. _What was chubby talking about, he hadn't stared at her for over an hour_. He snorted but began to doubt himself. He felt a gentle encouraging hand on his shoulder and when he looked up sideways, Hurley was already walking back to his tent.

Kate was still as she sat in the sand, her eyes focused on the fire. Sawyer could feel how tense she was even halfway across the beach, and he shivered involuntarily when her eyes raised from the fire for a moment and met his. The look behind her eyes startled him, and she looked away just as suddenly as she'd seen him. Sawyer knit his eyebrows in confusion, and before he knew what was happening, his legs were carrying him toward her, past the fire.

She shifted slightly as he eased down beside her, their knees touching. He glanced at her, the intensity of her eyes reflecting the flames leaping a few feet away. Neither spoke; Sawyer knew better than to ask her anything.

"What's up?" She asked

"I couldn't sleep." He replied nonchalantly, although it wasn't like he had tried.

"Yeah, me neither." She answered and Sawyer could see that she was tired.

It was silent for a while. He looked out into the fire but suddenly broke the silence.

"I don't like sleeping alone." The moment it was out he knew he was on thin ice.

She smiled a little and said. "Yeah me neither." She saw him tense and didn't dare looking at him.

"My bed broke down." She continued, wincing.

"Can't be that bad…" He implied, chuckling while he said it.

"It is… Actually it is so bad that yesterday I slept right next to it on the sand because even that felt more comfortable." She said and he chuckled again.

"I miss my own tent... " She said looking to her right, in the direction of were her old tent was. "I'm going to start rebuilding it tomorrow. I can't sleep one more night in that tent." She said and he shrugged at this but kept silent.

"Take mine." His voice sliced trough the tension that was hanging in between them.

"What?" She asked incredibly.

"You said you can't sleep in your tent, so take mine." He had found the courage to look her in the eyes.

It was silent, Kate over thinking the offer.

"Although I recall you saying you can't sleep in that one either." He said only half joking, because Kate could see his gaze was loaded. She also heard the accusing tone in his voice and decided it would be better not to take the offer. He was right after all, she had said it a long time ago and she was amazed he still remembered it.

_I can't sleep if I'm not in my own tent._ _Old habits, you know? _

Kate was laying on her back, looking up at the blue tarp of Sawyer's tent. All kind or memories came rushing back to her and she had to shake her head to keep them at a distance. But she couldn't help it. She remembered every detail of the tent, even the small holes in the cloth that functioned as a roof. Memories of them hiding under the tarp when it rained, her sneaking in the tent and trying to steal the suitcase rushed trough her mind. Those memories were as far as she wanted to go. She suppressed the other , more intense memories that came back to her after smelling his scent on the pillow. Sawyer had insisted on taking his tent and was now sleeping in hers. She felt for him because she knew he probably won't get to sleep much in her bed but as stubborn as he was he thought she was exaggerating the whole thing.

She heard rustling outside and she smiled wickedly. She got out of the bed pulled the flap up and was met by a startled Sawyer who was just about to 'knock'.

"Back already?" She said, her voice full of mock innocence and a playful smile on her lips as she walked back into the tent. The witty reply died on his tongue when he saw her wearing only a tank top and sport shorts which only covered less than half of her thighs. She had laid in his bed like that? What was she trying to do, give him insomnia too?

"Crappy bed huh?" She asked a little more serious and with compassion this time, when he hadn't said anything yet. She started packing her few things that were scattered around the tent and faced him so he had to say something eventually.

"You slept on that for 3 weeks Freckles?! Hell, I'm surprised you can still walk." He remarked amazed, smiling slightly but placing his hands on his back nonetheless.

"Yeah.." She said looking down embarrassed and tugged her hair behind her ears like she always did when she didn't know how to act.

"So thank you for letting me sleep for one hour straight." She smiled very sweetly and Sawyer had to think if he had ever seen her like this. Probably not. She always had her 'I don't need help' attitude on full display but seeing her standing there with an almost shy look on her face made him want to say something he was probably going to regret in the morning.

"No, lay back down, I'll sleep in the chair."

"Don't be ridiculous Sawyer, you can't stay out all night."

"I'll bring the chair back in." He replied smartly. She rolled her eyes. God he was so stubborn. But she was thankful for being able to sleep good for once, although the thought of all of this being a little inappropriate popped up in her head. Finally the exhaustion made the decision for her and she laid back in the bed and fell in a deep sleep, to exhausted to even be bothered by the sounds of Sawyer bringing in the chair.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Sawyer was sitting on his airplane chair, trying to fall asleep. He didn't knew why told her to sleep in his bed. He was sitting up in his chair with his back still hurting from Kate's bed. He never in his life had laid on a more uncomfortable bed than that one. There was even a spring sticking out the bed against his lower back and after stubbornly laying there for over one hour he couldn't take it anymore. At least it had smelled like her, he thought. He was trying not to look at her sleeping form but found himself curious so he looked over.

"You're one stubborn sonofabitch, you know that right?" He heard her say and a wicked grin spread over his face.

"I thought you would go to sleep. Since I offered you my heavenly bed ,I expect you to SLEEP in it." She smiled widely at his comment. Since it was dark. she knew he wouldn't be able to see it so she didn't restrain her smile like she normally did. Sawyer could almost hear her smile and roll her eyes.

She saw his movements and raised her head to see what he was doing. She couldn't see him very clearly but the moonlight that peaked into the tent casted over him as he walked to the bed. She heard the fabric of his jeans sliding off his legs and when she heard his zipper she held her breath, totally forgetting what was on the tip of her tongue. _If only it wasn't this dark… _She immediately wanted to slap herself from thinking something like that. They were friend now, she held in mind, but immediately a frown formed on her face. That was a stupid thought, it wasn't like they had ever been friends. After the third day on this island they already made out and there wasn't a change that they could be 'only friends' after _that_. Even in the time they hadn't kissed, or even slept together you could cut the sexual tension with a knife. She was finally able to admit the effect their first kiss had on her and she thought of it almost every day, even when they were miles away from each other she couldn't get the look of sheer need that was visible in his eyes right before she lowered down out of her mind.

It was so much more complicated now. They had both been with someone else and there were still so much things that hadn't been said, or couldn't be said. This time it was _unimaginable_ that they would be _more_ then friends one day. But the funny thing was that now she was lying next to him, she realized that his drawl could still make her heartbeat raise and the unintentional touch of his hand against her leg made her falter. God, why did he had to come and lie next to her anyway? It hadn't been her intention and if it was clear from the start that they would end up this way she definitely would have refused. She wondered why he had gotten into the bed with her and the thought of that maybe he was seeking comfort in her was strangely soothing. This was getting out of hand, she thought when she noticed the direction her thoughts were going and placed her hand on her forehead. She decided that it was best to stick with the innocent banter they started.

"You're giving in, Sawyer?" She asked playfully after he laid down on the far end of the bed, franticly trying to keep enough space between them.

"No need to make us both cripple." He growled in his usual sarcastic tone and she couldn't help smile again. She heard him wince when he turned over, his back to her.

"I thought that chair of yours was so comfortable." She just couldn't help herself, she always liked teasing him. But the grin disappeared from her face when his right foot unintentionally grazed her ankle and she felt her heartbeat raising again. Luckily he didn't seem to notice it.

"Yeah ha ha laugh it up. If your going to have to hoist me out of bed in the morning only because YOU wanted a good night sleep it's not going to be that funny." He heard her chuckling and found himself smiling too. It actually felt good being like this with her again, he really missed it, he admitted to himself. He felt her shift a couple of times before he heard her breathing change and when it became almost inaudible he knew she was asleep. It surprised him that over the time, he had forgotten she did that and smiled at the memory. After a while he leaned in a little to hear if she was still breathing and to his relieve heard the soft sound of inhaling. He then fell into a deep sleep.

Sawyer woke up from something tickling his face and he opened his eyes. He turned his head towards the tickling sensation and noticed their was a lock of hair on his cheek. He took the lock in his hands and his eyes widened for a moment when he saw the hair-color of it. Kate?

It was only then he realized how she ended up in his bed and let out a sigh of relieve. He had to admit he had slept like a baby. He felt her body heat radiating under the covers and it was only then he noticed he was laying against her.

Kate was hunched up with her back towards him, her knees pulled up a little. Her ass was basically pressed up into his lap and he suddenly realized that he had his hand on her thigh. He was startled but didn't move, trying to figure out when or how they ended up like this. But he also felt to _mesmerized_ by the feeling of her pressing up against him to let go. How many times had he fantasized about this exact same situation. He found it very ironic that she couldn't spend one night with him when he had really wanted her to but now all of a sudden she slept like a baby. He could feel the fabric of her shorts rubbing against his upper leg and cursed himself when he felt he had to restrain himself from checking her out under the covers.

Suddenly she began to stir and he backed away quickly, rolling over on his back, careful not to wake her. She rolled over too and was now facing him. He chuckled inwardly when he saw that she had a slight imprint from the cushion on her cheek. But other then that there wasn't much to laugh about and the smile died on his face. She looked _absolutely beautiful_.

She had a faint blush on her suntanned cheeks, blending with her freckles and her long curls cascaded over the pillow that she had apparently stolen from him during the night. He found himself staring at her longer than was actually necessary and quickly closed his eyes again but looked back at her when he heard her moan softly in her sleep.

The blanket had moved off of her a little and exposed the tight grey tank top she was wearing. His eyes wandered over to the slight contour of her nipple that was peaking through. He felt his heartbeat raise after he realized she clearly wasn't wearing a bra and rolled over, annoyed when he felt the effect she was having on him pressing against his boxers.

He decided it wouldn't hurt to sleep a little more because it was the first time he actually slept profoundly since 3 weeks. _And_ because it was still dark outside so nobody was up yet. _And_ because he didn't had anything else to do. _And_ because he could lie next to Kate a couple of moment longer. He shook his head after that last thought and forced it out of his mind. Kate wasn't the reason why he wanted to stay in bed, she was the reason he still had a faint pain on his back, resulting from _her bed_, he convinced himself but then suddenly felt her face cuddling up against his shoulder and he sighed deeply. This had been a real bad idea.

She could hear the sound of the waves and thought it was very relaxing until it dawned upon her that her tent was too far from the beach to be able to hear the waves at all. That was strange. She frowned and opened her eyes and frowned again when she saw her unfamiliar surrounding. She turned her head and when she found Sawyer's face there she let out a soft cry.

_Did they…? _But then she remembered the events of the other night and why he had offered her to sleep in his tent. She hadn't expected him to join her though ,but she had to admit it was very comfortable and warm and _definitely_ better then alone.

She hated to admit it but she had always felt so safe in his tent and now it wasn't any different. All of this brought up memories she was trying to suppress the whole night. She remembered lying awake for a while last night and suddenly she had felt his arm around her waist, trying to pull her close. She flushed when she also remembered letting it happen. He was asleep and wouldn't remember it in the morning anyway.

She looked over at Sawyer and noticed he was still fast asleep. It was better if she was gone before anyone else on the camp was awake. It would be a little awkward if they noticed her getting out of Sawyer's tent. She sat up on the side of the bed and found her bra that she had intentionally kept out of sight, underneath her clothes. It was Sawyer, after all.

She looked over her shoulder one more time just to make sure he wasn't looking before she quickly pulled her tank top off and put on her bra. She grabbed a clean shirt she had brought with her and pulled it over her head. She grabbed her stuff and looked over at Sawyer one more time before she walked out of the tent. Luckily there was nobody on the beach just like she had expected so she walked towards her tent where she had stashed a couple of mango's.

She walked around one of the tents and bumped into Sun, hard. She grabbed the small woman by her arms to steady her and smiled apologizing.

"Hey Sun."

"Goodmorning Kate." Sun said smiling brightly and eyed the ball of clothes she was holding in her hands and the direction she was coming from suspiciously. She smiled again secretively and Kate walked away, feeling a little uncomfortable under the knowing gaze of her friend.

Sawyer reopened his eyes right after she left and exhaled deeply. After finding them in a strange position this morning he didn't think it could get even more awkward. But it did. Right after she left the bed and pulled her top off.

It had felt strange to lie in bed with her and he knew it would be even weirder to wake up with her so when he noticed her getting out of bed he closed his eyes tight, pretending to sleep. But when he opened his eyes again the damage had already been done. Although her long hair was covering most of the view, he had clearly seen the curves of her breasts. Luckily it hadn't lasted her long to put her clothes back on and he let out a big sigh when she left.

The rest of the day had passed in a blur, his thoughts disturbed by the images of Kate sleeping next to him soundly. It amazed him that she stayed trough the night, although she hadn't stayed until he was awake but he was grateful for that. It would have been awkward to wake up with each other, way to intimate. She hadn't been able to handle it back then so why was he a little disappointed when she left his tent this morning?

After Kate's encounter with Sun she had eaten the mango's and had left her tent, deciding to take a walk for a while, until at least a few other people were up and about. She walked out of her tent and smiled when she saw Jack walking along the shore line, clearly deep in thought. She decided to walk over to him and see what he was up to. She hadn't spoken to him since his sudden outburst and she felt a little guilty since she was the reason why he got so worked up. He got so jealous sometimes, she already had discovered that when they were living together an he had proven yet again that he hadn't changed. But she wanted to clear the air so she walked up to him.

It turned out that Jack didn't held her responsible for anything and he apologized for his sudden outburst. They had been walking along the shoreline for about an hour now, talking, and it felt really good. The difficult matters were avoided at an early stage of their conversation because they knew that talking about it wouldn't change the fact that everything was in the past. So they spoke about how odd it was being back with everything around them in almost the exact same way it was and for a moment it almost felt like nothing happened between her and Jack and they were back in time. _Almost, _she thought looking at the sad smile Jack was giving her. Although it was good to be talking about neutral things like hunting and the common stash of food ,they both knew it was never going to be the way it was such a long time ago.

They could talk all they want but it didn't chance the fact that they both still had the previously conversation fresh on their minds. And although Jack had apologized yet again , she could still feel the tension it caused. She knew how Jack felt about her and she felt bad for not being honest with him. She still hadn't answered his question, but she figured she didn't need to. He already knew.

Kate walked towards Sawyer's tent and called out for him at the entrance of the tent. A couple of hours ago she had decided that she would check on him since she hadn't seen him around the camp the whole day. It was already becoming dark again and she finally worked up the courage to face him after spending the night in his tent.

She called his name again but got no reaction. After she called him one more times she went in, knowing that he had to be there. She stormed into his tent and found him sitting on the bed, leaning with his back against the tent. He had a far away look on his face and looked at Kate with absent eyes. His eyelids were hanging a bit and he look very tired. She kept standing there and it took a while before he finally responded.

"Hey there candy pants." He drawled lazily, his southern accent more pronounced than she had ever heard.

They had been on better terms lately but she was still surprised by his sudden affectionate nickname for her. He hadn't even called her Freckles that much.

"Are you drunk?!" She asked incredibly.

"Well that depends on who does the telling sugar pie… I had 2 bottles of whiskey and a few of those small things over there." He said while pointing at the empty bottles laying at his feet.

She looked at the bottles and sighed deeply. '_You have got to be kidding me'_. She thought and the expression was written over her face.

"What do you think?" He said chuckling to himself.

"Well let's see… I think your wasted." She remarked smartly but the stern tone in her voice made it clear she wasn't in the mood for joking around.

He grinned at her remark, the way only a drunk man would do. Suddenly something came up Kate's mind as she was looking at the empty liquor bottles.

"Do you have any more alcohol?" She asked in a slight panicked voice when she noticed there weren't any full bottles anymore.

"Wow babe, didn't knew you were so desperate." He said, his tone teasing.

"I don't need it for myself ,Jack probably needs it." She said after sighing deeply again. Jack had mentioned something about needing all the alcohol they had since they hadn't found anything he could use as an antiseptic.

"Aahhh the good doctor. You two gonna throw yourself a little party?" It was his turn to be the smart-ass and Kate had to smile at the sight of him drunk. At least he looked more at ease with himself ,but that wasn't strange seeing the alcohol he had consumed.

"Sawyer, please just tell me if there's anything left." She asked getting semi annoyed with him more and more. Why had he decided to get drunk anyway? He was probably back to soaking in his problems and that worried her more then anything. Just as she was thinking he was opening up to her again…

He gave up and pointed at a couple of bottles which were only half full. "Right over there Sweet Cheeks." Kate felt ghost bumps rise up from the blank tone he used as he called her that. He was pushing her away again.

Still hurt from his sudden coldness towards her she grabbed the bottle he had pointed out and turned around to walk out of the tent.

"What's the rush, darlin'?" He asked, his voice hoarse as he grabbed her wrist.

Kate felt herself tense when he pulled her closer and felt her heart beginning to beat rapidly. And by the looks of the cocky smirk on his face he noticed it too. He leaned in a bit and a superior smirk appeared on his face right before he leaned back against the tent again.

"Why don't you grab yourself a bottle and join me.` He suggested.

She hesitated at first. If he was being miserable wasn't it better to leave him alone? But she eventually took a bottle and sat down facing him which obviously surprised Sawyer. He hadn't thought she would take the offer, especially after he had intentionally pushed her away but he made sure his surprise didn't show.

"I guess I have to start right away if I want to run in on you…." She said looking at the empty bottles at his feet. She took the bottle of whiskey that was still full ,twisted the top off and brought the bottle to her lips.

Sawyer noticed his eyes followed the bottle to her lips and he felt the effects the image had on him. He quickly fixed his attention on something else but his eyes were brought back to her lips again watching them close around the top of the bottle.

All of a sudden he didn't feel so drunk anymore, almost sober so he took a large gulp from his scotch and shook his head. Why did he have to ask her to stay, it had been a better idea to just let her leave, let her go to the doc. Speaking of which, didn't she mention something of Jack needing the alcohol?

Kate felt the liquid burning down her throat and leaned back feeling already more comfortable. It had been a long time since she had a drink and had really needed one.

They were drinking in a silence for a while now and the silence around them was getting a little uncomfortable for her. And the fact that they were in such a small place facing each other didn't help either. Sawyer was deliberately avoiding eye contact but she caught his eyes once and he couldn't look away after that. She was giving him a small genuine smile and looked a little lost in her own thoughts.

"What?" He asked suddenly curious about what she was thinking.

"You want to play 'I Never'?" She shrugged and it earned a genuine smile from Sawyer who looked down suddenly lost in the memory too, a small smile appeared on his face. It was the smile she had missed again.

He looked up at her and the intense feelings in her eyes were surprising him. He couldn't draw his eyes of hers no matter how hard he tried, they were glued. After what felt like an eternity her face all of a sudden changed and it was like she just realized something. Whatever it was, it scared Sawyer shitless.

Knowing the direction things were going, he suddenly felt the need to pick up the bottles and he started to collect them angrily as he stood up. He didn't knew were this frustrations came from all of a sudden. Kate was clearly a bit let down at his sudden demeanor and started to help him collect the bottles. Sawyer noticed she was also picking up the bottles with more force then was really needed and when she was done she forced them into his hands and looked at him, her eyes blazing.

She stepped back and raised the flap but right before she disappeared underneath it he grabbed her forcefully by her wrist and spun her around until she was facing him again. He had used so much force that she slammed into his chest and let out a small gasp.

He was taken aback at the intensity in her eyes and noticed there even were tears pricking the corner. He still had her wrist in his hand and although he knew he was probably hurting her he didn't care. She was trying to pull back her arm but he held her tightly in place.

Although she hadn't said what was on her mind he knew exactly what she was thinking. The fact that they could communicate without words had slipped to the back of his mind trough the years but experiencing it again he was amazed by it. Her face had changed into one of regret and he could feel it taking over him too.

He should have known this was coming. They couldn't continue like this for ever, pretending nothing had happened between them years ago and silently sit opposite of each other, ignoring the giant elephants in the room. And he knew that sleeping next to each other last night hadn't helped.

She could see the expression in his eyes soften just a little when he let out a small sigh of surrender.

"Dammit Freckles, I asked you to stay."

His words struck her and all of a sudden he felt her struggle decreasing in his hand. She stood there, dumbfounded.

"What?" She asked hesitantly.

"You know damned well what I'm talking about." He said coldly , looking trough her games of playing dumb.

"I asked you to stay, I even asked you to play house with me."

He snorted as if to make clear what a fool he had been back then to actually believe that she would want that. Now it was his time to shoot daggers with his eyes as he saw that she was processing his words. She looked at him and wasn't successful at covering up the pain that shot through her eyes. She opened her mouth to say something back but he cut her off, his tone full of regret. She could almost swear she heard his voice tremble.

"But no, Miss fugitive wanted to run right into the federal marshals arms." He waited until the effects of his words were clearly visible on her face and then continued.

"How much time have you done Kate, or did you escape again?" He couldn't stop the words coming out of his mouth and he was a little ashamed he enjoyed the guilty look on her face a little too much. It was as if he was taking the frustration he had felt when she was gone out on her. She was after all the cause of it.

"Yeah.. You were always good at the running part…" He smirked ,looking down at her cockily and it suddenly reminded her of the very first time he looked into her eyes like that, after she took that gun from him years ago. The way he was looking at her now was so similar to when he had said _'I know your type'. _

She knew by the suggesting tone of voice that he was referring to how she always left his tent at night. He was hurting her on purpose and she knew it, she even felt like she deserved it at one point.

He knew he had her when she opened her mouth and closed it again, unable to form words.. He looked at her daring her to answer and she raised her chin, standing her ground. But he clearly wasn't finished with her yet.

"The last time I checked you hit me and ran out of my bed." He continued in a softer tone. Kate could see the hurt behind his eyes and she felt every feeling she had put away deep inside her come up in full force.

Sawyer grinned victoriously at her faltering form but he also felt terrible for being proud of making her upset. He had been thinking about the time she accused him of leaving her and ever since that moment he wanted to say something but he hadn't been able to say it.

"So how dare you accusing me of leaving YOU." He was getting more angry with every word he said. It was probably best if he just kept his mouth shut and let the past rest but the loss he had felt when she was gone, all the questions left unanswered , were taking toll on him.

It was most likely the alcohol bringing up this side of him and he was willing to just swallow the words back in if he could. But it was too late seeing the look on Kate's face. They were standing opposite of each other, both raging with fury. He could see her breathing heavily and her eyes were almost black.

Although he couldn't help but feel slightly relieved since she at least seemed to still care, he was hurt by the way she was looking up at him. He never knew how to act around her when she was distressed, the sight of her sad eyes were too much for him and it touched something deep inside of him.

He wanted to say so much to her but they could talk about it over and over again, nothing would change the fact that everything happened the way it did. He could see she was opening her mouth, beginning to form a sentence but he was done with talking. He did the only thing he knew was going to shut her up good and proper.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

"Why-…" She started out angrily but was stunned as he suddenly grabbed her by her neck and forced her towards him, cutting of her sentence. He leaned in right before he looked into her shocked eyes and this time she didn't back away. She got a faint déjà vu of the time he had kissed her when they were working back at the cages. It had the same raw need and bottled up emotions. 

Her mouth was still open because she had been trying to say something but now she met his lips hungrily. She gave into him, feeling his lips pressing hard against hers. It was an infuriated kiss and he was taking out his long hidden desires as he bit down on her bottom lip. She let out a cry mixed with pain and pleasure and Sawyer had to compose himself before he would rip all her clothes off. He had her face in his hands, cherishing the feel of her lips against his again. He opened his mouth and Kate obliged immediately feeling his tongue sliding into her mouth. Memories of them together in this very same tent flooded back to her mind, the same memories she had tried so hard to suppress last night as she felt his hands grab her waist. 

After a failed attempt to stop she eventually pulled back ,looking into his eyes questioningly. She realized her mistake as she saw his expression change and he backed away suddenly. Kate immediately felt a loss the lack of contact caused and wanted to slap herself for pulling back. Reality had clearly dawned upon Sawyer as he got the hard look back in his eyes. 

"I think you need to leave." He said slowly and not very convincing. He looked firmly into her eyes and the cold look in them devastated her. She backed out of the tent before any trace of hurt could reach her eyes. She didn't wanted to let him see how much all of this affected her. She ran until she was far enough from his tent and composed herself as quickly as possible. 

Sawyer's feet itched but he stayed put. He wasn't going after her again. He told her to leave anyway so why did he wanted her to come back. He couldn't expect that from her. Not after what he just said. He felt guilty, really guilty. He had kissed _her_ and he had just sent her out of his tent like that. But at the time it had felt like the only thing to do. When she looked in his eyes questioningly he was overwhelmed with so much need for her he knew what was going to happen when he would have let it continue. 

He laid down on his bed, and could still feel the tingling feeling on his lips from were hers had been moments ago. He softly touched them, still not believing he kissed her. He apparently still felt something for her, after everything that happened he apparently couldn't keep his hands, and lips for the matter away from her. Not that he already figured that out, but he thought that he was capable of at least suppressing those feelings, but it had proven she made him weak by only looking at him with those beautiful green eyes. 

He felt guilty towards Juliet too. Really guilty. He was the one saying that he felt nothing for Kate anymore and she had nothing to worry about. That he was with her. 

Now he realized that wasn't exactly been the truth and he was deeply ashamed. He could have known from the moment Kate sat foot on this island that this was bound to happen. The only thing that lessened his shame was the fact that he knew he had tried _**everything**_ in his power to get over this woman. 

He wasn't denying the love he felt towards Kate anymore because of Juliet , no, because the truth was, _**she**_ left him. The reason he was pushing Kate away was the fact that he was afraid what would happen if Kate and him got back to square one again, which they ,come to think of it, already were. 

He tried to keep control over the tension hanging in between him and Kate. She had proven years ago what she could do to him and he was scared shitless of her. But it seemed to become harder and harder every day to keep her away because she seemed to have the same pull towards him and he was afraid he soon couldn't deny it any longer. 

They already been trough this shit and he never wanted to feel like that ever in his life again. He had never called himself jealous or insecure but when she was around, she would only have to _look_ at Jack and he could feel the fire beginning to burn deep inside his chest, when those beautiful emerald green eyes turn full of worship for her hero. And when she smiled that mysterious smile of hers when she left his tent at night, he just _had_ to know what she was thinking, _had_ to follow her around like a damned dog although he knew that he was _never_ going to figure her out. 

Something in the corner of his tent caught his eye and he sat up. It was made of a purple fabric and when he looked closer he realized it was the shirt Kate probably forgot the night before. He picked it up and held it in his hand, squeezing it tighter. The shirt had the coco's as he thought of all the memories their last night in this tent 

Sawyer was lying in his tent thinking. Two days had passed and he hadn't seen her. This time he was sure Kate was avoiding him. He wondered what would have happened if she hadn't stopped kissing him. Would he have slept with her again? He knew they had to talk at some point but he was a little relieved that she chose to stay away from him so they wouldn't have to talk. It was typical for her really, he thought. This was probably the only time he loved her running skills. 

Because if he was being honest with himself, he was a little scared of talking to Kate. He didn't think he could trust himself to go near her again. It was frustrating. It seemed like whenever he was around her self-restraint was not something he was familiar with. 

He walked out of the tent and casually draped an arm over the tarp of the tent. He saw a few survivors in their daily routine and he shrugged. The island life had became almost normal again. No trace of blown up freighters, stations or even helicopter jumps. 

When his eyes found hers, Kate felt as if her heart stopped beating altogether. A familiar ache overwhelms her and tears prick the corner of her eyes. She knew she couldn't take it anymore. 

_**Dammit, look at him all casual like nothing happened between them last night. **_She found herself lost in the familiar battle of wanting to slap him and kiss him at the same time. _**This had to stop**_**, **she thought as she tore her eyes away from his and walked back to her tent ,not knowing _how_ to stop this even if she wanted to. 

She tried to eat a little and then sleep a little but cursed herself for not finishing her new tent yet. Sun had came down earlier and had asked her to help her out with the garden and Kate couldn't refuse. She was aching for being useful to somebody , to be _**needed**__. _So she had willingly accepted the offer, grateful for the distraction. But right now as she was sitting on her bed she was disappointed that she had to sleep on the same bed again. The thought that she would rather sleep in Sawyer's crossed her mind but was banished before it even reached her common sense. 

Now she was lying on her back, thinking about Aaron. She couldn't help it, he always came to her mind when she was alone. She tried to imagine where he was right know. Probably sleeping soundly in a cozy bed. She hoped he had a Star Wars quilt on his bed, just like he had in his previous room. She had it newly decorated when he was 2 since he didn't want the baby stuff anymore. He had grown up so fast, she realized. He was the reason those 3 years went by relatively quickly. But when she had kissed him goodnight and went to her own bed time seemed to go by slower. The first time she had realized how long 3 years where was when she saw Sawyer again. Leaning against the Dharma van he looked different. Older, but wiser too. And she could see that every time they talked. He had, in his own words, had done a lot of growing up the last couple of years and so had she. When Claire used to ask her to hold Aaron in her arms she refused because she knew she couldn't handle it. But look at her now, she had raised him and she didn't think she had done a bad job. In the beginning she sometimes wondered how he could turn out to be so _**good**_ while he was raised by a cold hearted murderer. But she didn't see it like that anymore, she realized she must be good to, to raise a boy like him and that thought always comforted her. 

She decided to put on her boots and walk over to the shore because she was sick and tired of thinking back at those beautiful memories of Aaron she knew she couldn't have anymore. 

Suddenly she heard rustling outside her tent. _**Dammit, **_she couldn't hear what it was because it wasn't loud enough. She decided to check outside. But when she opened the tent flap she was met by a bewildered set of green eyes. 

"Uhh.. hi" Sawyer managed to say taken aback by her appearance. "I was just going to umm… pee." _Great, was that all he could think of? _He mentally kicked himself. She had to stop doing this psychic shit of knowing when he was standing in front of the door, it was definitely creeping him out. And not only that but it caused him to keep looking like an idiot with his mouth open every time he stopped by. It already wasn't the best idea for him to come to her tent but what was more stupid was that he went without even thinking about what he could say to her. 

"Aha…" She said slowly, smiling a little at his transparency. 

"So, what do you want ,James?" She asked a little later and leaned her arm against the tent casually trying to mimic the same carelessness she had seen on him earlier. 

_Dammit_, he thought. 

"I was wondering what you were doin' " He smiled and behaved like nothing was weird about that.

"Well, it's night, so I was sleeping." She said flatly. 

"You always sleep with you boots on Freckles?!" He said pointing down at her boots, winking his eyebrows suggestively and she wouldn't want to think about what images were probably in his head seeing the smirk on his lips. 

She sighed and looked up. He seriously had to stop these mood swing of his. The one moment he ignored her, then he grabbed her and kissed her, then he told her to get the hell out and now here he was again, acting like nothing happened, pretending to stop by for a casual chat. She knew better.

"I couldn't sleep." He admitted, smiling a little at her, measuring if she was still mad at him.

"Yeah me neither." She smiled back.

He saw a glimmer of affection flash trough her eyes and that was all the reassurance he wanted. Oblivious to this she was just about to ask what he was doing at her tent again but he suddenly closed the gap between them, risking the fact that she might kick him in the crotch. But hell, he had to take that change. 

He kissed her deeply, almost knocking her off her feet and he felt her whole body tensing in defense. Ignoring this he started walking towards her ,making her walk backwards into the tent. He smiled secretively to himself when she threw her arms around his neck and gave up the fight. The kiss soon heated up and she managed to pull away from him and looked into his eyes again. 

He suddenly seemed to realize something ,looking over her shoulder. She looked a little panicked that he might have second thoughts again but noticed he was looking at her bed with a dreadful look. 

"You're going back to my tent whether you like it or not. I'm not staying in this tipi one more second" He drawled into her ear. She couldn't help but crack a smile.

She let out a suppressed cry when he lifted her up in his arms and walked out of the tent. She restrained herself from laughing but a small giggle escaped her lips and he silenced her with his hand on her lips. They wouldn't want the whole camp to come out of their tents and see the show they were putting on. 

When they reached his tent Kate had clamped her legs around his hips and wrapped her arms over his neck. He struggled to get through the tent flap with her in his arms but when they were inside he sat her back down.

She had that questioning look on her face again and this time he knew he had something to explain. But he didn't have an explanation except for the one thing he knew was true.

"I just can't stay away from you Freckles" He whispered against her lips. 

He began to kiss down her neck and reached his hand under the hem of her shirt while backing her towards the bed. She raised her hands between them and placed them on his chest. He felt her weak attempts of pushing him away and he smiled when he noticed the lack of persistency in her hands. 

He started teasing the soft skin underneath her tank top with his thumb and knew that it was enough to make her stop fighting it. She kissed him hard and felt his hands against the back of her neck, his fingers pushing through her hair. Suddenly she felt the soft surface of the 'bed' underneath her and wondered why she hadn't noticed him walking her towards the bed. 

Lying down on top of her, he took her hands in his and moved them above her head. His left hand pulled her top off while the other hand kept her arms above her head, leaving her defenseless. The moment she had stopped resisting she had literally lost track of her surroundings, overwhelmed by his familiar touch. God, how could she ever forget what he could do with those hands. They were everywhere and she was totally hypnotized by his lips who never left hers since they had been locked together. 

He threw her top away and he reached his arms around her to take off her bra. She felt his strong arms around her and before she knew it she was already naked from the waist up. She raised the blue shirt he was wearing over his head while he took it of the rest of the way. She looked down at his broad chest and was pleasantly surprised that his body hadn't changed at all. Although she never admitted it to him she absolutely loved his body from the moment he walked out of the water naked ,talking about bunnies. But to her amazement the muscles in his arms looked even more defined and they tensed while he placed his hands next to her shoulders for support. She placed her lips in the crook of his neck and kissed him there gently feeling him shudder under her touch. His broad shoulders were already getting back their golden tan and she placed her lips on his shoulder, starting to place small kisses on them. 

He obviously wasn't as gentle and started kissing down her neck , softly biting her collarbone. He grabbed a fistful of her hair ,pulling her head backwards while running his other hand down her throat. He was hard-handed but Kate didn't mind at all since she was highly aroused by it and couldn't help but letting out a soft moan.

His hands found their way to her breasts and he cupped them softly. She always had that tomboy attitude about her but in bed it turned around 180 degrees, Sawyer remembered. It was probably the only time she gave him absolute control and he relished in it. 

He felt her naked breasts pressing against his chest and felt a tingling feeling run through his whole body. He smirked down at her gorgeous curves and traced them trough the jeans she was still wearing. He always liked jeans on her and especially this one who was way tighter than the ones she used to wear. Probably because this one was her actual size ,he figured. 

Kate slid her hands in between them and ,way to slow for Sawyer's opinion, lowered her right hand down over his abs until she reached the waistband of his jeans and teased him there, stroking the skin that was just above. It was her favorite part of his body. The muscle just above his groin reached down into his boxers suggestively. Then suddenly she slipped her hand into his jeans. When he felt her hand on him trough his boxers he completely lost his mind. She zipped his jeans off and he helped her taking it off all the way. 

He brought his hands underneath her and cupped her ass. Bringing one hand to the front he played with the zipper of her pants and took it off, throwing both of their jeans in a corner of the tent. He placed his hand on her naked thigh and slowly moved it upwards until he felt the straps of her panties. A grin appeared on his face as he felt the laced fabric and he began moving his hands underneath the sides, deliberately teasing her. With a lump in his throat he brought one hand slowly between her legs moving slowly to her underwear. He touched her trough the thin fabric and her mouth opened a little, a sigh escaping her lips. He took it off in one swift motion and she sucked in her breath, startled. 

She was now laying naked underneath him and he wanted to slap himself realizing if this was truly happening. Her face was close to his, her lips half open en her eyes nearly closed. _Who was he fooling? _he thought ,looking down at her. He never got over her, he thought tasting the strawberry taste of her lips and smelling the coconut scent in her hair. God, she looked even more beautiful then he remembered. He closed his eyes, not wanting the moment to be over when he opened them again. 

He was still in his boxers but Kate already felt him pressing hard against her. She couldn't wait to feel him totally naked against her and lowered his boxers, agonizingly slow. Finally they were both naked and he forced her legs open with his knees. Realizing was he was doing Kate closed her eyes in anticipation. Feeling the need to be inside of her as soon as possible he pushed into her, gripping her hair again, forcing her to look into his eyes while he slid into her. 

Her hips shuddered and she could utter nothing but a whimper as she felt his hands grab her hips and thrust into her, slowly sliding out of her. He still had her hair in his hands and grasped it in a ponytail while picking up the pace. She gave into him, enjoying every part of his dominance. He was releasing himself on her and god, it never felt better. 

She clenched her jaw ,adjusting to his full size. She wrapped her legs around his waist clenching her knees together and he felt her hips narrow. When she squeezed her hips even tighter he almost lost control right that second feeling her tighten around him. "Damn, woman…" he groaned into her hair and Kate couldn't help but crack a mischievous grin. 

She felt him moving inside of her. He filled her up completely and she dug her nails into his back as she felt the ecstasy take over her body. Aching for air she found his lips with hers. She bit down on his lower lip, a little too hard and they both tasted the blood. 

It reminded her of their first kiss, a mixture of sweat and blood. He couldn't stop kissing her and he started to move in and out of her even faster. He heard her breathing heavily in his ear which aroused him even more. 

Sawyer watched Kate, her eyes were closed and her body was moving with him, locked with him as he pushed into her deeper and deeper. _God, this was so wrong_, he thought. They hadnt even talked normal to each other yet and here she was lying naked underneath him, sending him to a state of pleasure he didn't even knew existed. They did the only thing they knew, sex. And looking down at her right know, he didn't want it to be any other way. This is who they are. 

He began to feel a little lightheaded when he heard Kate moan almost in painful pleasure. She moaned louder as he hit her core over and over again. He tried to muffle her moans with his hands but she bit down on them. 

Nearly losing consciousness, Kate felt the pleasure consume her body and was about to come when Sawyer grabbed her hair in his hands again and turned her head towards him. It was an odd gesture and she was confused why he did it but then she opened her eyes and looked straight into his. She felt him thrust into her so hard she exploded, so unexpectedly and so forcefully she let out a small cry that came out more like a whimper. The fact that she kept eye contact and the look of sheer need in her eyes were almost throwing him over the edge and he had to give everything not to come. He wouldn't let himself, he was going to give her at least one more, he thought smirking down on her. 

He couldn't take his eyes of her and it was highly erotic seeing what his movements did to her eyes. She arched her back in pleasure and moaned his name. His real name. He had never experienced anything so intense. He felt her convulsing underneath him while she looked right into his eyes which made Sawyer give up the fight. He tried not to make a sound but that was nearly impossible. He buried his face in her hair ,growled in her ear and suddenly stilled against her. 

Kate was still recovering and was panting heavily. He stayed on top of her, neither wanting the moment to fade, his face still buried in her neck. His hands were still holding tightly on to her hips and he was gasping for air. They were both silent and for a moment the world stood still. Neither dared to ask or question what had just happened. 

The reality dawned upon Kate more quickly then she wanted and she sat up taking the covers with her. He was still laying down and looked curiously up at her naked back. She held the covers draped over her breasts as if he hadn't seen way more of her moments earlier. 

Sawyer knew what she was going to do. He knew she was going to leave ,so he should better do something so that he wouldn't feel like an ass, which he always did before ,when she sneaked out of his tent after sex. He was going to play first fiddle this time, he thought when he grabbed her pants and almost threw them at her almost in a defeated way, the same way he used to tell her to scram. 

But he couldn't help but still feel like an ass when he saw a hurt look shoot true her eyes when she turned around to look at him. She tried to hide it but it was too late, he had already seen it. He had never seen someone dress so quickly and when she was finished she left with a hesitant smile on her face. He sighed heavily and let himself fall onto the bed. 


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Images from moments earlier rushed trough Kate's mind and her cheeks flushed a little. She was sitting in her tent where she had ran to after she flee out of his.

God, she _**almost**_ had forgotten what he could do to her. And god, he made her remember it alright.

No man ever made her feel so wanted and she never wanted anyone as badly as she wanted him last night. But she had done it again. She left. The moment she was recovered she had felt an anxious feeling deep inside her and she sat up straight. But instead of her leaving his tent something unexpected happened, he threw her jeans like he wanted her to scram, although his eyes said something different though, she thought now. He had already _**expected **_her to leave and that hurt her more then anything.

Not only her own insecurity, but mostly the pain that she saw in his eyes had made her decision to ignore her own feelings to stay, no matter how strong they were and walk out of his tent again, for old times sake.

The tension between them had been growing bigger every day and had grown to unbearable heights. This night they both finally gave into it. They probably both remembered full well what they could do to each other. But it was nothing more than sexual tension and now that they got that out of the way she expected to feel better. Only she didn't. How much she tried to fight it, she couldn't deny that something chanced last night. And that scared her more than anything.

The whole night Kate had thought of him. How was it going to be between them now? What should she say to him when she saw him? Only thinking about being close to him again made her weak in the knees and she cursed herself.

Kate had always protected herself. The moment someone threatened to come close to her she banned her feelings and pushed with might and main. She build up walls around her so nobody could come close.

And still… Years ago, in one unguarded moment Sawyer had broken down those thick walls and stood right in the middle of them, daring her to say something about it. She was mad at him for that because it was uninvited and she hadn't seen it coming. She had expected that if _**anybody**_ would come inside those walls, it would be Jack. She had even left the door open for him.

The first time Sawyer broke those walls she build them up again, and just as she thought she had them back up he broke them down the moment their eyes met after 3 long years. No matter how good she was at grabbing stones and putting them around herself again, there was no going back. He awakened feelings in her she thought she wasn't capable of feeling. She couldn't deny it anymore now could she? She had to accept that she was still deeply in love with him.

Kate wondered if she had ever even admitted that to herself, even years ago she knew it deep down but wasn't able to say it or even admit it to herself. She only realized it when it was too late.

Sawyer woke up in the middle of the night and searched the spot next to him with his hands. He immediately felt stupid since he knew she had already left a couple hours ago.

After a moment of weakness she had pulled her defenses up again. He wasn't stupid, he knew her and he hadn't expected her to suddenly be 'miss cuddly' but maybe somehow he thought she might stay a bit longer since she had stayed that one night they slept together 'like friends'.

But he was wrong.

Although the look in her eyes when he threw her pants at her left him wondering that maybe she wasn't planning on going before that. Now he felt stupid. If he hadn't been busy with his own insecurities maybe she would be sleeping soundly on his chest right know.

This was harder then he thought at first, Sawyer thought looking down at the fish in his hands. It was already dead since Jin had slapped it against a rock and now Sawyer had to make the damn thing ready to eat. He had already done it once, years ago, and it had turned out in a disaster. There hadn't been much left to eat since everything got splashed against his shirt, resulting in three days of a fishy smell on his chest. Luckily Kate hadn't been around back then, he thought.

He scanned the beach to see if maybe she was standing outside but unfortunately she wasn't. He wouldn't have expected her to. He didn't know what she was doing but he was beginning to think that she was hiding under a damned stone or something.

Maybe it was better that he hadn't seen her, he wouldn't know what to say to her anyway. But he had to admit he really wanted to see her. Just to see what she was wearing, or how she wore her hair today.

It had been a whole day and he hadn't seen anything from her. She had avoided him the last time when something happened between them but he had seen her from a distance occasionally. But not this time. He hadn't seen as much of a glimpse of her although he was outside for most of the day.

He was starting to get worried and it probably reflected on his face since Jin asked in his awkward English.

"Sawyer, what is wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, Bruce. Just keep fishing." He said and he noticed he clearly hadn't been convincing since Jin didn't seem to believe him. Jin turned his head slowly and gazed over the ocean again while Sawyer turned his attention back to the fish.

"Not that is any of my business, but I saw Kate walking towards the jungle about two hours ago, she looked pretty upset." Jin said thoughtfully.

He looked at Jin, annoyed that he clearly was that obvious. Jin made a gesture that that was all he knew.

Sawyer scanned the beach again and when he located Jack he excused himself. _The damned fish can wait. _

"Hey doc" Sawyer called out from a distance as he approached Jack.

Jack looked up and saw the blond southerner approaching. They hadn't talked since the incident and he didn't knew where they stood right know. Not that they had a big friendship that was in danger of wrecking but there was a time when they had been on reasonable good terms.

"You happen to know where Kate is?" Sawyer continued when he stood in front of him. Jack noticed his voice had a hint of accusation and he didn't know what was the cause of that. It was hard to tell because the guy always sounded like he was pissed off but this time there seemed to be urgency in it too.

"No, I don't. Why? Do you need her?" The delivery of that last question made Sawyer frown and he wondered if there was hidden meaning in it but he couldn't detect a trace of sarcasm from Jack so he decided to ignore it.

"Just wondering where she was since I hadn't seen her all day." Jack could see the struggle he must have had to form those words, especially towards him and it amused him to see he tried. But the truth was, Jack didn't know were Kate was.

When Sawyer saw he wasn't going to answer him he turned around but suddenly felt Jack's arm at his arm.

"When is the last time you saw her?" Jack asked, frowning.

"Um…" Sawyer had to bite his tongue not to say anything and quickly repeated Jin's words. "Saw her walking towards the jungle about 2 hours ago." And waved it off with a smile.

Jack never knew what was going on between Sawyer and Kate, never did. But he was amazed that Sawyer still seemed to care so much about Kate, even after everything that happened it looked like they had never been apart. Realizing he was deep in thought he quickly continued, because he saw Sawyer beginning to lose his temper.

"Ok, I'll search a couple of places alright? And if she isn't here then we'll pull out a search." Jack said.

But he was already talking to Sawyer's back since he started walking to Sun and Jin's tent.

After 5 minutes they both had asked around the beach and searched a few deserted spots where she might could be. Jack was getting on Sawyer's nerves and since nobody could tell her where she was he decided to go look for her himself. Just when he swung his backpack over his shoulder Jack ran after him and caught up with him.

"Where do you think you're going?" He yelled.

"Where the hell does it look like I'm going?" Sawyer growled back and pushed Jack out of the way but he tried again, calling after him.

"The sun is almost down, it will be dark in a couple of hours. You wouldn't be able to see clearly."

This got Sawyer's attention and he turned around.

"So your telling me _**that's **_the situation you want your girl in all by herself then, hero?"

Jack sighed as Sawyer turned around and started walking again. Since he knew nothing was going to stop him he went after him.

Kate was walking around the jungle for a while now, and she still didn't know where she was going. This was unusual for her, since she always had a purpose in mind. She convinced herself she did have one, though.

The purpose of wandering trough the jungle all by herself was to find Claire. _**Not **_the fact that she was running away from something she wasn't ready to face yet, she convinced herself. So she kept searching for Claire. It had been the main reason for coming back to the island in the first place.

But why was it the first time she was actually searching for her, she wondered. She had been capable of doing that for weeks now but she hadn't initiated one search for her and she felt guilty.

She had been to fed up with her own problems, with _**her **_feelings, to think about the promise she had made to herself and especially to Aaron. She was going to bring his mother back to him no matter what it costs.

Suddenly she came to a halt when she recognized her surroundings and when she pushed a few branches away she smiled.

Kate had always wanted to come back to this place again, she thought as she looked over to the waterfall in front of her. The sounds of the falling water seemed to relax her a little and she sat down on a rock to pull her shoes and socks off.

Walking over to the lake Kate clenched her toes and followed the motion of her feet in the water. The tranquility of the water, the sound of the jungle, and the rustling, soft breeze, did their job and moved her thoughts from a past full of regret, to a quiet thoughtfulness about her present and future.

Thoughts of Sawyer kept rushing trough her mind, memories of everything they been trough. And as she looked over at the waterfall before her she could almost hear his voice.

'_Come on, Freckles, after all we've been through on this damn island, don't we deserve something good? What? You going to say no? You some sort of no fun, navel-gazing, mopey type?'_

Closing her eyes shut tightly she suddenly realized what was the real reason why she left camp. After her confession to herself last night she wasn't ready to face Sawyer again, Kate realized.

"She's not my girl." Jack suddenly said, slicing right true the tension hanging between the two men who were walking trough the jungle.

In some strange way Jack felt like he needed to set this right, to tell Sawyer how things stood between him and Kate. Even though he had underestimated Sawyer many times ,Jack always thought of Sawyer as a smart man. But when it came to Kate, he was a blind fool.

Sawyer looked up, meeting his eyes.

"She was my fiancé." Jack continued and sniggered as if he still couldn't believe it that he was telling Sawyer this.

"I know." Sawyer responded softly.

Jack covered up his surprise. "Then you probably heard why it didn't work out." He continued a little softer, clearly not comfortable having this kind of conversation with Sawyer.

"Well, rumor has it that you _grabbed for the bottle a little to often." Sawyer smirked humorlessly, focusing his attention on pushing the leafs out of the way. _

"No.." Jack chuckled sadly, looking directly in the other man's eyes. "She still loved you."

Jack never thought he was capable of ever saying those words but somehow he thought Sawyer deserved to know. Knowing Kate ,she probably never told him herself but he knew she did.

Jack could see it in her eyes when she looked at him or rolled her eyes when he made a perverted remark which she pretended not to like. She was a totally different Kate with Sawyer and he always felt jealous that he didn't get to see that side of her.

When Kate and him had been living together for a while she sometimes would stare in the distance, only to come back to earth after he called her twice. When she stroked Aaron's blond hair Jack knew she thought of Sawyer and the possibility that it could have been his child. And even after all this time Jack occasionally thought back to the time when she was desperately concerned about Sawyer when he was unconscious in the bunk bed and the confession he had made back then. _I love her. _It had been mumbled softly but Jack had clearly heard it and how much as he liked to write it off as delusional, it always stayed with him trough the years.

Sawyer came to a sudden halt and Jack noticed the southerners unbelievable expression. Frowning deeply, Sawyer opened his mouth to reply but suddenly they heard the cocking of a gun behind them and turned around simultaneously.

It was Kate.


	9. Chapter 9

Previously, on LOST ;)

_Sawyer came to a sudden halt and Jack noticed the southerners unbelievable expression. Frowning deeply, Sawyer opened his mouth to reply but suddenly they __heard the cocking of a gun behind them and __turned around __simultaneously._

_It was Kate. _

Sawyer took her in with an adoration that he's never had for another woman. As if by magnetic force, his arms want to wrap around her, want to pull her body against his, hold onto her and never let go.

She was pointing her gun at them and he could see the dark look in her eyes change into relief when she recognized them.

In a flash he suddenly saw something coming up behind Kate and before he knew it an arm came around her neck, placing a knife to her throat.

Kate's eyes widened and she saw the look of pure confusion mixed with horror on Sawyer's face when he seemed to realized who it was. She tried to bend her head a little to see for herself and when she saw a lock of long blond hair she suddenly realized it was a woman.

"Don't move." She heard the woman say and suddenly she recognized the Australian accent.

"Claire?" Kate asked incredibly but she didn't got an answer.

"It's me, Kate." Kate tried a little softer, thinking that maybe she didn't knew that already, that she had mistaken her for someone else.

"I know." Claire responded, her voice cold and distant like a robot. There was nothing left of the sweet and loving Claire in her voice.

"What the _**hell**_ are you doin' Claire?" She heard Sawyer yell and she could almost see the flames in his eyes. "She took Aaron." Claire stated with a voice that was so desperate it broke Kate's heart.

"She took Aaron away from me…" Claire continued, letting her emotions ran free.

Kate could hear she was choking back sobs. She felt the knife Claire was holding at her neck scraping her skin deeper the more hysteric Claire got and she tried to reassure her.

"Yes, Claire, I took Aaron." Kate began over-emotional.

Claire was silent but Kate could hear her rapid breathing behind her.

"I _**had**_ to."

She felt Claire's grip loosen, probably because the fact that she was progressing everything that she had heard.

Until just a day ago Claire thought the others took her baby. When she had heard it was Kate who took him she went crazy with rage.

"Why?" She managed to say to Kate and she rapidly turned her around and pushed her away so she wasn't holding her anymore.

"You disappeared… and Aaron was all alone in the jungle…I took him with me." Kate tried to explain but the moment she was being pushed away and finally got a good glimpse of Claire the words wouldn't come.

She felt her heart miss a beat when she saw the Australian woman's bewildered eyes and wild hair. It looked like she had been living in the jungle all these years and although Kate was happy to see her alive it caused an enormous amount of shame to think that it was her that was raising _**her son **_all this time, in a warm and comfortable house far away from this jungle and that his mother had been looking for him all this time.

"I raised him…" Kate continued, with tears in her eyes, finally able to form words again. "And he is a beautiful little boy…" She tried to say but her words were cut off as Claire suddenly leaped at her, tackling Kate down to the floor.

Claire was straddling her to the floor now, with a force she hadn't expected from the small woman. The knife was lingering close to her artery now and Claire used all her power to force the knife down soKate had to give everything to pull her arms away.

It all happened in a second and finally Sawyer pulled Claire off of her, leaving Kate choking on the floor. He held Claire into his arms and backed her away where she seemed to cool down.

Jack rushed over to Kate and quickly checked the gash she had on her neck but Kate wouldn't let him and got up rapidly, pulling her gun to protect herself. Sawyer looked at the blood streaming down her neck with horror and Jack still tried to check it out but Kate gave him a look that it wasn't necessary.

Claire was still fighting against Sawyer's hold but luckily she had calmed down a bit. The feral look in her eyes was gone and she started to look like herself a little bit more.

Although Jack told him she still loved him before, Sawyer thought it was absolute bullshit until he looked at her and noticed the flicker in her eyes. He wondered why he had never seen it before and realized he had been to blind to see it, to desperate to hear the actual words from her lips.

Without thinking, he pushed Claire towards Jack who held her there and reached out to brush a stray curl from Kate's face to see if she was ok. He noticed with concern that there was another scratch on her right cheek and softly wiped away a droplet of blood with his thumb.

Why she didn't move from that spot as he came closer, she'll never be able to figure out. There was this undeniable ache in her chest while she watched him, faintly reminiscent of the same pain she felt.

"You scared the hell out of us Kate." Sawyer heard Jack say and realized he totally forgot about the fact that they had been searching for her for hours. They were lucky they had found her when they did, because if they hadn't, there hadn't been anybody to force Claire off of her.

"I just… had to get away…" She whispered softly and shared a knowing look with Sawyer, which somehow made Jack feel like he was being left out of something.

Suddenly Jack realized that there was something different about Sawyer and Kate's behavior towards each other. Their was something going on, that was something Jack was sure of. He started to walk ahead with Claire, leaving them behind.

When Jack was out of sight Sawyer looked her in the eyes.

"You better let the doc take a look at your neck, it doesn't look ----" He began, breaking the silence but was cut off by Kate who smiled and shook her head.

"Is that all you have to say to me?" She whispered, looking up at him.

A lump in his throat developed and he couldn't help but stutter. Shit, she made him feel like he had never been around a woman before.

"What else is there to say?" He asked softly but it wasn't really a question, more of a statement.

He met her eyes briefly, and she smiled at him, a real smile this time, without any hidden meanings. Then she walked away, leaving him amazed.

The walk back to the jungle had gone by in silence. Sawyer was walking behind Kate but he could see the tension in her shoulders. The whole walk he had wondered what had just happened between them and when they eventually caught up with Jack he realized the doc had been walking ahead with Claire all this time.

When they finally reached their camp it was deserted except for a couple of people who had been waiting for Kate to come back. When they saw the two men coming trough the trees, followed by Kate they immediately looked relieved and Hurley couldn't help giving Kate a bear hug. Claire seemed to relax a little too when she saw the old beach camp and seemed to become more of herself. After an awkward reunion with the rest, she went to her tent, giving Kate one final warning look.

After the commotion died down everybody went back to their tents, including Jack. Although he had insisted on bandaging her neck Kate now stood by the campfire when she suddenly realized that she was alone with Sawyer, who was standing behind her.

She didn't know what to say or do since they hadn't talked about what happened last night yet. And it wasn't like they could ignore it forever…

"Soo… you want me to walk you home?" He said out of the blue and Kate smiled, grateful that he didn't seem to want to talk about it either. This was, after all, their way of dealing with these things.

"It's 15 tents I think I'll make it…" She replied playfully but there was a sad undertone in her voice.

Sawyer recognized the feeling, those words had been said when everything was still so simple and he briefly closed his eyes, lost in memory of that moment. How she looked back then when she had cringed up her nose and sweetly kissed him goodnight. How natural it all had looked, like they did it every night. But how misleading that idea was since she got out of his tent afterwards…

Suddenly the playfulness in which they started seemed to disappear from his eyes and he realized that they were standing close , drawn to each other once again.

"Stay." He whispered with his eyes fixated on the campfire, not daring to look her in the eyes.

Kate felt a lump forming in her throat. He wasn't kidding anymore and she didn't know what to do. She wanted to stay, most definitely. But wasn't it too soon for him? He still had to process everything. He wasn't ready for this. But didn't he just ask her to stay?

Sawyer's heart began to pound even faster then it already did when realization of his words dawned upon him , trying to figure out what exactly had possessed him. His eyes finally dared to look sideways as their eyes met carefully, and Sawyer swallowed.

"I can't …" She whispered sadly.

Sawyer was confused but didn't let it reach his face. Why can't she stay? But then it dawned upon him. She regretted last night, and she was telling him now that she can't do it again. She can't come with him.

Sawyer nodded softly, and Kate could see the disappointment in his eyes. Right before he turned around he gave her one of his rehearsed smiles and if she didn't knew him better she would think it was a real one. But the thing was, she knew that smile, it was full of sarcasm and bitterness and he had given it to her many times before.

Although he held his chin up to show her he still had some dignity left she knew it had cost him everything in his power to say that one little word. She immediately felt a knife stab in her chest when she realized it was probably the last time he was going to ask.

Sawyer was walking around the beach camp, looking for food. Although he had changed, he still went sneaking around for boar other people had caught and prepared. Like hell he was ever going to do that himself.

He had a rough night and barely slept so he was starving. Again, the damned girl haunted his dreams and let him think about the conversation between them last night for the entire night. At least she had finally made her choice, Sawyer realized.

Someone had to throw the towel in the ring at one point and he knew that. But with all the tension hanging in between them he thought it was pretty damned hard to do so. Every time her tried it, he near 'bout broke his legs to get back to her.

She didn't seem to have a problem with that, though. She just basically told him their game was over.

She heard a soft knock on her tent and she went to see who it was. It was jack. "Hey Kate" He greeted her and she smiled her welcome as she ordered for him to come in. "How are you?""I'm fine, still a little shocked but at least the pain is a little less now." she whispered and looked down at the bandage.

"It's a miracle we found you one time Kate." He told her, his voice sounding amazed. "If you had been alone when she attacked you…" He began but didn't finish his sentence since the words wouldn't come out of his mouth. "Yeah... I don't know where she came from all of a sudden and I don't even dare to think about what she went trough. But this is a second change for me, Jack and I'm grabbing it with two hands and don't ask any questions." She took a deep breath to compose herself and when she started again her voice trembled. "But what if I wake up and she's here at my tent again? I'm so scared Jack." She whimpered all of a sudden.

Jack reached out for her and when she stood there, in his embrace she thought back to when they used to stand like this, back home in LA after taking Aaron to bed. It was hardly believable that this was the same man she almost married. "You know Kate, maybe this isn't just a second change for you only." he softly whispered against her ear and she shivered from the old familiarity of it. It reminded her of the good times they had and she closed her eyes and smiled. But they didn't only have good memories and as soon as the other ones flashed trough her mind she quickly opened her eyes. What was she doing? After going inside his tent , Sawyer had felt the exhaustion of the search kick in and he passed out on his bed, almost in a coma. When he had finally awoken 5 hours later he got a sudden uneasy feeling in his chest. He pulled on a shirt and jeans and decided to check on Kate. Maybe Claire was still looking for a way to hurt her or maybe her wound wasn't that harmless as Jack thought. Kate's tent had been quiet, no sound of anyone awake so he decided to take a peek to see if she was sleeping. He didn't want to wake her. Only nothing could have prepared him for what he saw. Jack was there and Kate was in his arms. He could see Kate's face since she was facing him. Jack was softly mumbling something in her ear. Her eyes were closed and a small smile plastered on her face as she had her cheek against Jack's, apparently lost in memory of she opened her eyes and looked straight into his.


	10. Chapter 10

Fuck. Kate suddenly pulled back from Jack's arms and ran out of the she could see Sawyer making his way to the jungle and she had to give everything to keep up with him. She wondered how much he had seen, probably only the last part giving the furious look he had given her when she met his eyes trough the tent flap."James!" she yelled and knew that the whole camp could probably hear her but she didn't care as long as he heard her.

She came to a halt on a crossroad, not knowing which way he took and she let herself fall on the floor, realizing she fucked it up good this time. Suddenly a voice behind her startled her. "So now it's James again ,huh?" Sawyer said as he walked from behind a tree, slowly approaching her. "You need to make up your damned mind."

Kate tried to measure his anger and the moment she heard that his southern accent was even more pronounced then she had ever heard, she knew it had to be very bad."Listen, James, I can explain what you saw, it's not what you think." She began despaired. He only sniggered distantly like he had already expected her to say those exact words.

"You don't have to explain a damned thing , Kate." Kate shuddered at the cold and distant way he had spit out her name and remembered how different it had sounded when it had come out like a prayer on his lips, against her neck only one night before.

Kate couldn't help but notice that he looked so good standing there. His broad chest and rippling muscles were clearly visible trough his blue shirt. She cursed herself since apparently she couldn't even bear to be near him and not want him ,especially when he was mad."Guess I'm more of a psychic then I give myself credit for, huh?"

She frowned. "What?"

"Seeing I forecasted this situation years ago…"

She still didn't seem to get it so he added. "I'm risking my face getting smacked again, … but the truth is, Kate… You ran right back to Jack, just like you always did." He tried to sound indifferent but he almost spitted out the name Jack.

Kate now realized he was talking about the time she stayed in his Dharma house and left the next morning after slapping him. Only thinking about it made her feel ashamed, _how could she have ever done that? _But she remembered feeling so scared and confused back then, for the feelings he awakened in her and the fact that she was going to jail if she left.

"That's not true." She said, hurt by his words.

Sawyer couldn't help but be surprised by the guilt stricken expression she had on her face , the bottled up emotions clearly visible behind her eyes.

"Honey, just cuz I talk slow doesn't mean I'm stupid." He said smartly and she wondered if she had ever seen him so defeated, so put out.

"I never ran back to Jack, not back then, and especially not tonight. You're wrong and you know it, Sawyer."

And at that she could see his anger rising again as soon as her words were out.

"You hooked up with Jack the moment you two were off the island didn't ya?" He said accusingly, trying to look confident. But the truth was ,he didn't felt confident at all. Instead he felt very small under her now furious gaze.

He saw her jaw clench and her glare darken and she was obviously searching for words, but they clearly wouldn't come.

How did he turn her up like this? With nothing more than a searing look from those green eyes, he could start a conflagration deep inside her in a way no man ever had. Even the man she thought she'd marry.

Sawyer didn't know why he felt this way but he was furious. Hadn't he moved on too after she left? And now he was mad at her for moving on. But all the emotions he had buried deep down came up like the last 3 years hadn't happened.

He wanted to know where she stood. Jack could say all the crap he wants, he wanted to hear it from her. He wanted to know where she stood, although he had a pretty faint idea since she immediately seemed to regret her actions last night.

Kate nearly glowed in her anger, her shoulders were square and her lips were pursed stubbornly. He wanted to change that expression and watch her gorgeous eyes literally flare with ecstasy just like they had done when he was pounding into her the night before.

_God, keep your mind straight, Sawyer. _

Sawyer looked at her down bent head wanting to crush the dark curls in his fist and force her gaze to meet his. At the same time struggling with the desire to force her against a tree and remind her why they were so good together.

He grabbed her before she could draw her next breath, hoisting her from the ground and pressing her soft body against the tree behind her. A soft moan escaped her lips before she could suppress it.

"You like that?" He drawled seductively, his voice literally dropping an octave. Her eyes answered him very clearly. Yes. Her tongue was a little slower in forming a reply, and significantly less honest.

"Go to hell Sawyer."

It didn't came out like she really meant it. She had placed her hands on his chest to push him away but she noticed the lack of persistency in her own hands so she gave it up and let them linger there, on his 's jaw hardened. He could easily force her further up the tree and make her take those words back, but he wanted her to admit her feelings freely ,without sexual influence. And yet the feel of her skin made him want to start snapping buttons. "Look at me." His cold voice brooked no argument. Kate raised her face towards his but her eyes were still fixated to the ground.

Sawyer gazed at the top of her head, his mind juggling the usual spank her or kiss her debate.

"Why don't you just tell him you love him and get this over with. Once and for all." He finally said.

_God, there was a sentence he thought he was never going to say, _Sawyer thought.

This apparently got her attention since she lifted her eyes to meet his. There was a silence and Sawyer thought she would never answer but suddenly she opened her mouth, sounding more collected all of a sudden.

"Because I don't want to lie to him." She said ,very slowly.

Sawyer hadn't expected that answer, though and he didn't know what to say, what was becoming more of a habit every time he was with her.

"I have tried so hard to love Jack. I struggled to make it work ,to convince myself that he was the one that could make me truly happy… "

Sawyer flinched a little at her words , not liking the idea of her even _**thinking**_ she could be happy with the doc.

"But at a certain point I gave up. I couldn't lie to myself anymore." She said defeated, still looking up at him, her face begging for a sign of recognition on his face but he didn't show one.

If only she knew how much sense her words made to him. Maybe anyone else wouldn't have understand but he knew exactly how it felt like to desperately try and make it work. It was like she was taking the words out of his mouth.

"I tried everything in my power to love him, to be happy with him, the whole domestic thing." She said, desperately trying to explain herself to him.

"We just weren't supposed to be together." She finally said and didn't seem to notice Sawyer's shocked reaction as he heard the words Juliet had used coming out of her mouth.

Neither of them spoke for a while, Kate not looking up , avoiding to meet his gaze since she didn't knew what he thought of her now that she had said what was on her heart.

"But you two were engaged…" He began hesitantly. It was more a question actually although he already knew the answer. But still he wanted to hear it from her.

It was silent for awhile ,Sawyer waiting for an answer. Just when he thought he wouldn't get one she looked into his eyes.

"Didn't last very long." She said, hoping he would recognize her words.

He immediately recognized her words and looked down at her. Kate could see his expression turning from anger, to confusion, to recognition and then something she couldn't quite define.

He was still pinning her against the tree but his grip had loosened and he realized that she was still standing close to him, voluntarily this time. Her hands were still resting on his chest and he was sure she could feel his heart beating rapidly.

"I was so scared of the way you made me feel. I thought I could suppress it. That, as long as I kept walking away from you, leave you , you won't get to me." She couldn't help it but a tear escaped and rolled from her cheek.

"But you did." She said looking up at him trough her eyelashes almost shyly. She continued, her voice thick of emotions.

"Ironically enough you made me realize I can't live without you by leaving me. By leaving me you made me realize that… that I need you."

She had hesitated before saying it and it came out barely audible but he had heard the words perfectly clear. _**She needed him. **_The words kept ringing in his ear continuously.

He gently brought his hands to the side of her face and traced her cheek with his thumb. Her face looked so different, but yet the same, Sawyer noticed. How could he had ever stated that he didn't remember what she looked like. He remembered every facial expression. From the frown of her brows when she was mad to the slight smirk on her lips when she smiled. He even remembered every single freckle on her nose.

"Why are you telling me this?" He said when she kept silent, still confused and trying to process everything she just said to him. He had an astonished look on his face.

"Because I think you deserve to know … That it was always you." And after a slight pause she added. "And it still is." She bit her lip after saying it, afraid what he might say or do.

He had so many things that he wanted to say to Kate and she probably wanted answers looking at the questioning look she gave him. Sawyer let out a sigh.

_Dammit, why was she looking at him like that. _

Her hair fell messily around her face and her eyes were clear green. He suddenly realized that she looked exactly the way she had looked at him the moment he jumped, her eyes full of confusion and hope.

_So what is it going to be this time? _He asked himself as he looked down at her.

Exasperated, Sawyer said: "Fine, I didn't want to do this here, but you leave me no choice."

Kate's eyes widened and with that, he pushed her back against the tree, using his weight to hold her there this time.

"I can't be the girl you want me to be and you know it Sawyer." She softly whispered in his hair as he began kissing her neck. Silent tears were running down her cheeks and Sawyer could feel them falling on his shirt. "Well , I'll be the judge of that if it's fine by you…" He murmured against her neck, to stubborn to let go now. Or maybe to stupid, because he knew she was right. She was totally fucked up but hey, so was he and he didn't give a shit. All he cared about was having her. Now and forever."I just can't... " She took a deep breath. "Can't…"Sawyer backed away from her so he could look her in the eyes. "Can't what Kate?!" He yelled at flinched a little but then yelled back. "I can't … make you happy." She blurted out.

"But you love me right?" He asked quickly, trying to avert her attention by kissing her neck again.

"Yeah…" She moaned so quickly she probably hadn't thought better of it.

But the damage was already done. By the stocking of her breath he realized he wasn't the only one that was shocked. His lips were still against her neck and he backed away, trying to look at her face.

Kate didn't dare to look up, feeling his gaze burning on the top of her head. Then she let her head fall against his chest in surrender.

"You stupid sonofabitch." She smirked against his chest.

"Always wanted to hear you say that..." He smirked down at her and she finally met his eyes.

"Oh and just so you know… I love you too." He added, this time a little more serious.

She smiled widely at him, grinning like a little girl. Sawyer noticed that she almost looked shy and he had to smile at that ,thinking she looked so cute shy. He has got to make her look like that more often, he thought to himself.

Suddenly Kate leaned up, kissing him softly and Sawyer froze.

He could feel at the way she was trembling against his lips that her own actions had surprised herself even more than him. The kiss was so soft and gentle that it felt odd realizing it was, in fact, Kate who he was kissing.

He was sure she was able to hear the pounding of his heart when she broke away and placed her head on his chest again. Sawyer slid his arm around her waist and held her to him, almost afraid of letting go. Without realizing what he was doing, he kissed her hair softly, and froze when he did, flashbacks of them together in the cages coming back to his mind.

The next instant her arms were sliding around his neck, clasping him to her, and Sawyer felt his hands slip to her waist, holding her as if he thought she might change her mind if he didn't.

He crashed his lips onto hers and sweetly kissed her like he had never kissed her before. With passion, and grace, and...love.

Sawyer looked into her eyes for a second and as she smiled at him he realized that this was exactly what he had been afraid of. He smiled back down at her, even though he felt the fear of falling too deep tickling in the back of his mind.

Her hands slid onto his shoulders and clutched at his shirt as the kiss intensified to a level she hadn't quite thought possible.

He gripped her waist, pressing her to him, trying to steady the dizziness as she gasped against his lips. He finally broke away out of pure need of oxygen but he kept Kate close, breathing into her shoulder as he held her up against the tree.

His fingertips brushed the skin revealed below the edge of her t-shirt, and she tensed when he touched her. He was about to let go when she relaxed slightly and lowered her hands down to his belt.

Growling possessively, he lifted her into his arms, hoisting her legs up around his waist as he continued to devour her mouth hungrily. Her small hands clung to his shoulders as though he was the only thing steadying her.

He couldn't get enough of her taste, leaving her mouth to kiss her jaw line, her forehead ,her ears. Her skin was so sweet, so warm against his mouth. He needed more.

He put his hands under her top, feeling her warm stomach and the faint outline of her ribs with his fingers. She moaned at his touch and impatiently pushed him away to remove her shirt.

They both knew where this was going but neither of them seemed to notice or care that they were in the middle of the jungle and that anyone could walk in on them. It did cross Sawyer's mind once but his hands were to busy cupping one of her naked breasts.

Kate moaned as his mouth trailed downwards kissing the protrusion of her ribs and then making their way to her belly button. His fingers nimbly undid her pants without setting her on the ground and quickly pulled them from her hips, growling in desire at the thong that graced her mound. His mouth kissed the insides of her thighs and all around that small triangle, making her jump as though his lips were shocking her with electricity.

He latched his mouth to the fabric as she shrieked and twitched the moment his mouth made contact with her heat. He was keeping her up with both hands without any effort but her pleading cries with such need momentarily shattered his control. He nearly lost it and ripped the panties from her.

Kate screeched incoherently at his touch, whimpering with need, but he continued to toy with her. Just before she cried out in frustration he'd suckle or nip her again sending her head throbbing against the hard surface behind her. He grinned as he saw the agonizing look on her face.

For a moment, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath ,struggling for control. He groaned in agony, forcing himself back up her body. He pulled her towards him again so his mouth could travel its way up her neck, and back to her mouth, kissing her deeply.

Suddenly she became more aggressive. With deft fingers, she unbuttoned his pants and put her hands inside to feel him. Her delicate hand wrapped around his cock ,stroking him. It drove him insane to have her touching him while his body was still fully clothed. Growling impatiently, he removed his pants and his boxers noting her wide-eyed stare with satisfaction. There was something about seeing her angelic eyes staring in amazement that nearly broke him and when she reached out once again and wrapped her slender fingers around him, he gasped in agony.

For a moment all he could do was stare at that delicate hand wrapped around his throbbing erection and watch mesmerized as she stroked him. He groaned at her touch and closed his eyes for a moment. Fearing to lose the last threads of control he took her small hand in his and held it still.

She reached out with her other hand and pulled him against her again, kissing him passionately and forcing her tongue into his mouth. He smiled at her unspoken demand.

He hoisted her up higher and both of her hands were clinging to his shoulders as he entered her. They both groaned as he inched inside her. She was unbelievably tight around him, and he filled her so fully that they both stood still for a moment ,panting with the sensation.

Sawyer kissed her ear and then her lips then worked his way down to her breast, suckling on her aching nipple. She groaned and he felt her clench around him. Then he started thrusting with agonizingly slow, steady strokes.

Kate writhed and gasped beneath him whimpering in ecstasy as her head thrashed back and forth. She was as beautiful as she had looked last night; her dark hair falling down her face, her pale skin flushed with passion. She moaned against his neck and clasped his shoulders with her hands, holding on as her body spun out of control with sensation.

He thrust harder even as he found every sensitive spot on her body with his fingers, making her writhe and squirm against him. She was beautiful in the throes of lovemaking and he wanted to watch her face as she came. She whimpered and tossed her head from side to side.

"Please," she begged her voice hoarse from desperation. "Please Sawyer."He looked up at her flushed body, her almost black eyes, her tousled hair and smiled at her.

"Oh now it's Sawyer again ,huh?" He decided to tease her.

"Shut up James." She said a little out of breath.

Taking pity on her, he trusted deeper into her. Her moan came out more like a whimper and her body convulsed around him, her tight walls gripping around his cock. His frantic breathing into her ear told her that he was close to climax too.

Sawyer felt his release coming and he gave everything to postpone it but then made the mistake of looking down. He saw her looking up into his eyes, trembling and shaking and he came hard, looking into her eyes.He came with a loud groan as he rode out their mutual when his breathing settled and her whimpers subsided, he caressed her hair from her face. She was still draped around him and against the tree and he realized that couldn't have been very comfortable. But her eyes were closed, and he felt her body still tingling with little shockwaves from her orgasm. She didn't seem to mind it at all.

Sawyer relaxed and nuzzled against her after he came back down to earth, but she suddenly chuckled in his ear.

"What is it?" He asked and she chuckled again.

"Nothing, it's just that you picked out an interesting 'tree'." She said as they both finally had the change to look around them. They were in the bamboo thicket.


	11. Chapter 11

"Hell no, Freckles," he whispered in a dark, dangerous, masculine voice. "Our evening is far from over."

After walking out of the jungle they had made their way back over to the beach camp. When they reached it Sawyer decided it was best to held his big mouth shut as Kate suddenly walked into his tent without saying a word. He knew that one bad word could change her mind so he said nothing, just walked in behind her.

Now her green eyes looked up at him lazily, uncomprehendingly, and she could only coo her response. She just came down from her second orgasm that night and it didn't seem like he was going to let her sleep anytime soon. Not that she wanted to, though.

Sawyer reached for her naked hips and rolled them over, so she was on top. He began to kiss her hungrily then, his earlier tenderness turning to forceful passion. His hand palmed her breasts and before he knew it she lowered her hips down teasingly.

He groaned into her mouth as his body responded to her passion. She was gasping and moaning on top of him as he forced his hips up to meet hers.

For a moment he almost lost control, but Sawyer had his mind set on something. The plan was to keep her in his tent and have sex with her all night long. After the third time she would be so exhausted that she would probably fall asleep and then she would definitely stay the night with him. He thought about how easily Kate could stand up and walk away while he had to watch her go every time, helplessly. That wasn't going to happen this time, he was making sure of slipped his hand between their bodies, flicking her clit as he thrust, earning a delicious whine from her lips and he watched in delight as he worked her into the frenzy of another orgasm. She came with a keening cry, her body convulsing around him, taking him with her.

She let herself fall down on top of him to tired to even roll off and he heard her sigh heavily in his ear.

"Are you all right?" he whispered, bending his head to look at her face."Mmm," she replied in dreamy contentment and Sawyer smirked vigorously.

Sawyer was laying on his back with her in his arms. It was still night giving the fact that it was still dark outside. They must have slept for a couple of hours and he smiled as he looked up. His plan had obviously worked since Kate was still in the same place he left her, her legs wrapped around his hips, her upper body draped over his.

Kate stirred in her sleep and mumbled something incoherently. Luckily she didn't wake up. Unfortunately that didn't count for something else that he felt pressing against his boxers. _Think about something else, dammit_, he thought. But it was impossible to avert his eyes from the soft, warm body which was draped over him. His efforts were useless.

Kate moved her leg in a sensual movement and his erection became more pronounced. She pinched his shoulder in her sleep and he suddenly saw her frown. With a surprised look on her face she lifted her head up and looked directly at him. Clearly she liked what she saw in his eyes because her lips curled up desirably.

She softly pressed her hips down and their upper body's slid over each other. He growled in the back of his throat and lifted his head towards her. His lips found her mouth and their tongues played with each other. Her lips were trembling and his kiss became more and more compelling.

"I know what you're doing…" She suddenly whispered in his ear as if she was telling him a secret. "Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere…"

She relished in his guilt stricken expression and smiled when she got him exactly where she wanted him.

"You little minx…" He drawled and he realized she was on to him probably for the whole time and clearly didn't had any objections. She smiled widely, seemingly proud of herself. Then she sighed softly and nuzzled his chest, smiling with satisfaction as his breath caught a bit in his throat.

Okay. That still worked, Kate smirked with satisfaction.

Kate woke up from the sunlight hitting her eyes. She didn't know where she was for a second but her eyes grew big when she recognized the blue tarp above her head. It was only then that she noticed Sawyer was lying against her. He was also on his side and his left arm was loosely draped around her waist, almost a little protective.

She smiled a little at that, thinking it was cute. She glanced over at him and he looked fast asleep. His chest rose and fell softly, and she had to lean toward him to hear his breathing. It still amazed her that he never seemed to snore. He didn't turn around much in his sleep either, he just lay there totally peaceful. But she knew he was anything but that.

The white sheet only covered him up to his hips and she couldn't help but admire the view. She felt her pulse quicken when it occurred to her that he was still naked under that thin sheet.

Sawyer was in a deep sleep when he felt he was being stared at. He opened his eyes and after they had adjusted to the sunlight that beamed trough the tent, he saw Kate looking directly at him. She lazily moved her head sideways to look at him and smiled her most innocent smile at him.

God she looked so beautiful right now, her long hair cascading over her naked shoulder and his eyes wondered to the curve of her breasts that was slightly visible underneath the sheets.

Sawyer wanted to have some kind of conformation and he didn't knew about what. Maybe that this time was going to be different. That this time it wasn't just fooling around anymore. That this time it was the real deal. Now he got her back he didn't want to let her go again.

Looking down at her he didn't knew if she was feeling this way too. Hell, he didn't even knew if this was one of her 'make me forget all about the doc' moments again.

Although she had made clear yesterday that it always had been him, he was still insecure as hell. The worst part was ,this time he was even more concerned than the first time around since he now knew what it was like losing her. He had one certainty now, though. He couldn't lose her again.

They got dressed together but Kate realized that the moment she got out from under the covers, she wanted to go back in again. So they did.

Sawyer had to get out at one point, grabbing something to eat for them but quickly returned after getting two mango's. She didn't know it could be like this. And she especially never thought that it could be so easy just being with him, talking and playing around. And it was more intense then she had ever experienced.

After a couple of hours Kate got tired of being in the tent all day and got a little itchy. She wanted to see what was going on outside and be alone for awhile, only she decided not to tell that last part to Sawyer. But he seemed to understand.

Although she knew he wouldn't have any problems being shacked up in the tent for the rest of the day she knew he wasn't the clingy type either so she decided to give them a breather.

Kate continued with her usual routine of getting fruit for the camp and chatted with a couple of people at the beach while Sawyer was being his useless self again, sitting at his tent reading a book. Kate felt for him since she noticed he was reading 'Watership down' all over again and although he convinced her he didn't mind she knew someone can't love bunny's that much to read a book for the 5th time.

Kate was sitting at the camp fire when she saw Sawyer approaching. She curiously looked at him to figure out what he was up to because he had a sly smirk on his lips. He was holding something in his left hand and he was hiding it behind his back.

He sat down next to her and pretended not to notice her curious gaze. He was obviously having fun waiting until she would ask.

She rolled her eyes and began. "So … what you got back there?" She said , nodding towards the arm he was hiding behind his back, and deliberately making it sound like she wasn't curious.

"Since I know you got a thing for Jack's ,I brought an old buddy of mine." He said with his most cocky smirk on his face which only made Kate roll her eyes again. He just couldn't seem to get Jack off his mind and although she knew he made it sound like he was teasing, she knew he meant it from the bottom of his heart.

He brought the bottle up to let her see it and her eyes almost rolled out of their sockets when she saw he actually had a bottle of Jack Daniels.

"All the way from Tennessee." He drawled proudly. "Impressed?" He asked a little later seemingly very pleased with himself.

"I'm just wondering where you got that…" She said, narrowing her eyes, already seeing trough him.

"I bet you do…" He drawled as if he wasn't planning on telling her.

But suddenly, he added. "O, and if Scotty asks, I don't know a thing about it."

She sniggered and took the first swig out of the bottle.

Sawyer seemed to be thinking about something. "You remember your seat number?" He suddenly asked, his eyes curiously looking at her.

"Which flight?" She asked, chuckling humorlessly and he chuckled too.

"I don't know why, but I remember…. 27H." Kate stated and passed the bottle over at Sawyer.

"You gotta be kiddin' me, you were basically a few seats behind me or something." He suddenly exclaimed.

"What? What seat number did you have then?"

"23H." He said amazed and Kate turned her head ,smiling at him.

He then seemed to think of something funny. "I sat next to a big, curly Hispanic guy who needed two seats, 23I and 23J." And that made Kate break into laughter while Sawyer took a swig.

Her smile died down and it was silent again but Kate kept thinking about what he had said.

"What are the odds right?" She said, almost to herself.

"You know I was one of the last people who boarded flight 816. I ran my ass off to make it to the gate. Well, I wasn't exactly the last one boarding 'cause I remember passing a huge curly guy who looked like he just gotten from under a shower and I remembered feeling sorry for the person who had to sit next to him." Kate chuckled and almost choked on her drink and Sawyer continued.

"When I arrived the stewardess at the gate had already close one door."

She waited for the story to continue but saw he was waiting for her to ask further. He looked so much like a little boy and she rolled her eyes when she said with fake enthusiasm.

"How did you get trough?"

Kate smirked trough her annoyance.

Sawyer only winked his eyebrows and Kate rolled her eyes slapping him playfully on the chest.

"You're a pig." she said trough smirking.

"Hey, you better be happy I seduced her because otherwise I wouldn't be here."

"And why are you so sure I'm happy you're here?" She said it to tease him but she saw his face change into one of disappointment.

Sawyer still felt the stab of her former remark and wondered why that had hurt so much. He quickly covered it up before it became uncomfortable.

"Yeah, that's how these things go… I mean, did you ever think you would ever buy a ticket and fly your ass _**back**_ to a deserted island full of smoke monsters and polar bears?" He asked her. What he really wanted was for her to slip something about the real reason she came back, silently hoping he had something to do with it.

This earned a genuine laugh from her.

Their banter was in full swing again, her eyes fluttering up every time he said something and she felt like a giggling teenage girl since it didn't matter what he said, every time he said something it came out so playful.

"You sure ask a lot of questions, Sawyer." She said, still smiling from head to toe.

It were times like these that he loved still being called like that. It had been so long since anyone called him Sawyer. Juliet had always called him James and the rest of the Dharma Initiative called him Jim. But god, how he loved the way 'Sawyer' came from her lips. Kate did call him James too sometimes but only if she was really pissed off, very serious or in the throws of passion, he smirked.

"Yeah that's the plan, get drunk and get to know each other better, right?" He said.

"What do you mean? I already know you." She said with a slight frown and smiling at how ridiculous his words sounded.

"No, not really." Sawyer stated.

Kate frowned deeper in an 'are you shitting me' way, so he explained.

"You don't know… what my favorite food is now dontcha?" He tested her.

She smiled at his way of trying to bait her and she looked up, as if she was thinking very hard. He was right though, when it came to these things she didn't know anything about him.

"Hmm… " She said as she looked at him provokingly.

"And now don't say soybeans, that's just mean." He drawled, exaggerating his Tennessee accent as if he was already offended.

She grinned widely and suddenly seemed to have an idea.

"Steak." She said sincerely, grinning even wider, knowing she had to be right. He was so obvious.

"You know me better then I thought Freckles." The boyish grin on his face growing wider.

"You're just too predictable Sawyer…"

It grew silent again and Sawyer took a big gulp from the bottle.

Kate placed her elbows behind her so that she was in a half sitting position and noticed how relaxed she was. It was strange that she felt more comfortable then she had been in a long time, playing around with him. He seemed to get her mind off of all the other things she was worrying about.

"So what do you think is my favorite food?" Kate asked after a while.

"Burger king" He smiled wide, but seemed serious.

"I'm a vegetarian..." She said with mock disappointment for him not knowing that.

"What? I never saw a girl eat boar faster then you in my life! One hell of a vegetarian you are..." He smirked, his voice teasing. It was funny that all this reminded her so much of the time they played 'I never'. Especially the way the fire illuminated his face in an orange glow.

"Well it's not like I can pick something else from the menu..."

He smirked at her exaggerated drawl. It sounded funny coming from her and surprisingly real.

"Alright Dolly Parton, why don't you pass me the bottle?"

She smirked, and took the bottle from the ground, passing it to him.

"So where were you born?" He asked, growing serious all of a sudden.

All of a sudden she looked up bluntly, with an uncomfortable expression on her face and he smiled apologetically.

Sawyer already had assumed she had had a rough childhood and immediately regretted it once the words where out. But now that he could see her struggling for an answer he got curious.

"What I meant was… How come you suddenly sounded all southern?"

Just when he thought she wasn't going to answer she suddenly spoke up.

"I was born in Iowa. Lived there until I was 24." She said shortly and Sawyer knew that was all he got from her. But then she surprised him.

"My um… stepfather was southern. Tennessee. He used to drawl pretty badly, especially when he was drunk, or mad." She smiled sadly, her face directed at the ground, clearly not very fond of the memories it caused.

"His name was Wayne." She whispered and the name caused a faint recognition with Sawyer. Suddenly he knew it was the name she had called him when he had been unconscious in the hatch.

He could see by the way she was now looking in the fire that her thoughts were directed in a wrong direction and cursed himself for bringing the whole thing up.

"I don't wanna talk about it." She suddenly said and stood up.

Sawyer grabbed her wrist before she could walk away but Kate tried to force it from his grip. Sawyer knew that it must have hurt her but she didn't let it show.

"Let go of me." She hissed at him as she looked down at him, her watery eyes blazing fire.

Defeated he let her wrist go and saw her walking away to her tent.

Sawyer chased her till outside the tent and shortly debated with himself whether to go in or not. Would she rather be left alone? But when he heard a suppressed sob coming from the tent he walked in. He saw her sitting on her bed, her face buried in her hands.

Sitting down beside her he looked sideways at her. Her head was hanging down and he couldn't see her face because her hair was hiding it.

Sawyer didn't know what to do, he never knew how to comfort someone and especially not 'the independent, don't need protecting Kate'.

Despite this he tried touching her arm which she pulled back the moment it contacted. She still hadn't moved and he tried again.

"Kate…" He said almost pleadingly.

At that she looked up and he saw her tear streaked face. She shot daggers with her eyes and he wondered if he deserved it.

"You were right you know." She suddenly spitted out, this time sounding so defeated. "You really don't know nothing about me."

She looked almost like a little girl, Sawyer noticed. Suddenly he felt an overwhelming need to protect her. He placed his hand on her cheek and grazed the tears away with his thumb. She angrily shoved his hand away from her face and looked up at him angry.

He looked back at her as if she was crazy. You could say a lot of things about him but there was one thing he was sure about; he most definitely knew her. It wasn't like if you knew each others favorite food, you knew each other. It just didn't work like that. He knew so much more from her.

"Freckles, that's bullshit and you know it." He tried softly.

"You didn't know what I did." She said, proving her former statement.

He didn't knew, and he didn't know what to say either.

"I don't really care." He stated.

"Ohh, cut the bullshit, you know since I told you once." She said viciously. He realized she was talking about their "I never' game and her confession at the time.

"I know you killed someone." He tried calmly, deciding to play along with her games.

He seemed not affected by her behavior at all and Kate was surprised at the way he had said it, like it wasn't a big deal at all.

"Yeah. And it wasn't just someone." She hissed at him, , hurting herself with every word that came out, not knowing why she was being like this to him but somehow it felt right. She continued in a cold voice, her face without any emotions.

"I killed my own father."

She waited to see his reaction. And what she saw surprised her. She hadn't expected to see the disgusted look that she had gotten many times from people who didn't understand but she didn't even saw a look of sympathy on his face.

"I thought he was my stepfather. Wayne, that southern piece of shit I just told you about. He would beat up my mom after he locked me in my room. "

Sawyer swallowed, his fists balling in anger. He just looked at her like he understood her, truly understood her.

"One night I waited until my mom was working at the diner and he came home drunk. I had to help him into the house because he was too damned drunk to stand on his own feet. I laid him down on the bed and… blew up the house."

The last thing he expected her to say were those last few words. His eyes widened a second and then found himself speechless.

"I planned it all out, got an insurance for the house under my mothers name and drenched the whole house with gasoline. I was waiting on the porch for him to come home with the lighter already in my hand." Surprisingly, her tears had stopped somewhere along the story and she seemed to get calmer the more she told him.

"My mother gave me up and called the authorities. After being on the run for 3 years they eventually caught up to me in Australia and I was being deported back to America. You know how that story ends."

He looked down and smiled softly, his lips barely moving but she noticed it and wondered why he smiled. He began to speak really slowly.

"I was deported from Australia too." He met her eyes while saying it and he continued. "Well… banned actually." He smirked. "I had a bar fight and picked the wrong guy, I guess." He smiled at his own words. That must be the understatement of that year, he thought.

Her eyes were very curious and he was happy his words had the desirable effect, to keep her mind of her own past.

"Who?" She asked in a soft voice when he clearly didn't answer fast enough for her liking.

"The Australian Minister of Agriculture." He replied with a mischievous look.

"You head butted the Australian Minister of Agriculture?" She repeated numbly. She seemed to be not really surprised and she couldn't help grinning widely from ear to ear.

He did a little act like he was insulted because she laughed at him but he couldn't help but chuckle himself. When she stopped smiling his face became serious and he continued more softly looking at her reaction while he said it.

"The feds kicked me out of Australia but they probably didn't know I traveled down to Australia for other reasons. To get my revenge, kill the real Sawyer."

Kate sucked in her breath, not knowing if he was going to continue but she felt herself listening to him intently.

"I confronted him, made him read my letter and shot him." His voice was full of remorse and cleared his throat but it didn't make the sorrowful tone in his voice any less.

"Turned out the poor guy didn't even knew what I was talking about. My partner conned me into killing someone who owed him some money. They probably still haven't figured out who killed him."

He looked at her reaction trying to see what she thought of him after he told her what he had done. He was grateful her face was blank because he probably couldn't handle the fact that she might have looked at him with a look of sympathy. The only thing that he saw in her eyes when he looked more close was recognition and he felt it too.

"I killed an innocent man. You didn't." He stated.

It was silent after that, Kate looking down at her hands. She was grateful that he opened up to her and she realized he told it to make her feel better. It was the only way he knew how to comfort her and she knew nobody could ever do it better.

She smiled at him sweetly trough her tears and she felt his hand come up to her face and graze the tears away with his thumb.

"Let's get some sleep." He said but got concerned when he didn't get a reaction out of her. She kept staring at a spot on the tarp with a faraway look in her eyes, not moving one inch. Kate flinched when Sawyer's hands came up to her shoulders and he felt bad. He now realized the full impact of her story and the memories it brought up.

He realized that this must be the first time she told someone her side of the story on what she had done. Not they story she probably told the cops or lawyers who only wanted to know when or how she burned down the house but what kind of sonofabitch was in it. This must have gotten her in some kind of trance, closing herself off for further hurt. She looked so fragile, sitting there silently staring at the ceiling.

Kate felt that Sawyer pulled her towards him to let her lean against his chest and she let herself fall against him, feeling like a rag doll as he found the hem of her shirt with his hands and pulled her t-shirt over her head. She wasn't really cooperating so it was hard to get the shirt off. Kate felt herself being lowered down on the bed carefully like she used to do with Aaron.

He noticed that she was crying again and her tears streamed down her cheeks and upon his shirt, her face without any emotions. As she was laying on her back she felt drained from all her energy, feeling empty and numb when he started to pull of her shoes. He began unzipping her jeans and she could feel that he was having trouble pulling them from her hips since she didn't co-operate. He removed his own shirt and pulled her up against his chest again so that he could pull the shirt over her head. While she was still leaning against his chest she felt the security of the oversized and warm shirt embracing her. When he pulled her last arm trough the sleeve he seemed satisfied with his result as he looked down at her. He knew exactly what she went trough right now.

"Anything else princess?" He added sarcastically and she smiled thankfully up at him. "Want me to brush your teeth too?" A small smile he couldn't quite read crossed her face. Her hand reached for his, and he froze.

"Can I stay here?" She suddenly asked, her eyes desperate and Sawyer felt his heart melt.

"As long as you want." He responded with a lump in his throat.

She nuzzled against his chest and Sawyer laid down, bringing her with him. As soon as they hit the bed she was out.


End file.
